Bri's Thoughts

"I Don't Know How To Move Mountains"

2012-01-07T22:45:00.004-07:00

A friend on facebook posted this video tonight. It's strange, mildly inappropriate, and I love it. Here is the comment I posted on her update. It's something I don't ever want to forget;

My favorite children's book EVER! I made Caleb a photo book for Christmas from birth to 3 years old. Towards the end I used the line "Oh the places you'll go, kid, you'll move mountains". After reading it a few times since Christmas, two days ago while reading it during his nap he looked at me and said "I don't know how to move mountains". I explained that life experiences will teach him how. Later that night when we were getting ready for bed, out of the blue he said "I will learn to move mountains when I'm 4". MELTED MY HEART! He already moves mountains every day in my book!

It's a.......

2011-12-27T16:36:00.003-07:00

Shocked doesn't even begin to describe what I feel. Poor Caleb was scared to death with my reaction. That night when I asked him if he was excited to have a baby sister he said "yeah, but you scared me mama". We are SO EXCITED! We would have been thrilled with either one, but it's very exciting to experience something totally new and different. And their clothes...oh boy, this will be dangerous!

The thing I'm most excited about is that Dan gets a daughter! Every Daddy needs a daughter! With our next baby I will let Caleb guess. He was sure it was a baby girl the whole time.

We are SO GRATEFUL! Last year during this same time we were experiencing absolute heartache after our 3rd miscarriage which happened the morning we were driving up to Utah for Christmas. This Christmas was just pure joy and excitement! AND I'm feeling baby move! Now the fun part of pregnancy begins! We are feeling extremely blessed this season!

P.S. Don't you love how Amber wrapped my present? She put it in a blue bag with blue paper layered on top and then it turned pink. SO CUTE! Thank you Amber!!! I'll tell you what, it was torture waiting the 3 days to open the present.

Pumpkinman Triathlon 2011!

2011-12-08T21:45:00.010-07:00

This was such a blast! I almost missed it due to a couple of things, but I'm SO GLAD I decided to do it.

A while back we talked about signing up for a triathlon to get healthier as a family. My sister Megan has lost a BUTT LOAD of weight and this was a goal of hers. We are so proud! We decided on the Pumpkinman because it was in Vegas and Ashlee lives in Vegas. She housed a bunch of us which was so nice.

I was actually signed up for the Olympic distance but then found out I was pregnant. After being told by a friend that the course was extremely difficult, I tried to see if I could get a refund. But that was impossible so I dropped down to the Sprint distance category which still included the whole climb on the bike that was supposed to be really hard. I was concerned because I would be 8 weeks pregnant, and I kept hearing how steep it was.

Also, the day before we were to drive to Vegas I came down with the stomach flu. It's the sickest I've been in probably 15 years. I was losing it out of both ends simultaneously and thought I was going to die. It was AWFUL. I ended up losing 3-5 pounds in a day. I knew there was no way I could make the 8+ hour drive to Vegas the next day, so I thought I would send Caleb and Dan to Vegas without me (Dan was signed up for the Olympic distance, and NEVER has done a tri in his life!).

The next morning I felt much better and decided I might as well go, but wasn't sure I would do the race. We got there late and registered. I just went through the motions hoping I could find it in me to do the race the next day, and was SO GLAD I did!

It was an absolute BLAST! The course was awesome. Although, the first 100 yards of the swim about killed me. It was my first open water swim, and the other two tris I've done in the past had the swim at the end which at that point I was relaxed. It was so freaky, but I finally got in a rhythm and did it....slow. I'm so not a good swimmer.

The bike was the part I was most worried about because I was told it was steep and would be hard to keep my heart rate down enough being pregnant. It was AWESOME! It was more of a gradual climb that wasn't very steep and I felt SO GOOD! It was such a blast. It was hard for me to hold back because I did feel good, but I think having to hold back made it even that much more enjoyable because it wasn't painful at all, just purely fun. The climb was way easier than I heard, or read about. I think the definition of a climb to a triathlete is very different than the definition of a climb to a road biker. It was a wonderful course.

The run was just fun. I went super slow keeping my heart rate down.

Pregnant lady hiding behind HeathRoy.

I was NOT posing for the camera. I was literally having THAT much fun!

The best part was having our WHOLE family out there cheering for us. My parents, brother, sister in law, cousin, friends, nephews, and son were there cheering us on. What a blast! It was just pure fun because I was out there not racing, but enjoying myself taking it easy. I would love to do the Olympic distance next year at race pace!

I ended up getting 19th place out of 36 women. My bike time was 13th place out of 36. Pretty good for a chubby pregnant girl just having fun!

The best part of the race was how Dan did. He is NOT a swimmer, nor a runner. He hates both, but I talked him into doing it this year. He decided on the Olympic distance so that it would be a longer bike. The swim about killed him, but he did it. He then ROCKED the bike with the best time in his category, and did a decent run time. He ended up getting 3rd place out of 34 guys. I was so proud! We were shocked because it was his first tri ever. He will be in the next category next year because he will be 35, and his time would have won that category! He now has decided he will tolerate the other two events and start dabbling with triathlons. He had a blast! I pray Caleb gets that boys legs and heart. He is truly a gifted athlete!

He ROCKED it on the bike even though he didn't have a tri bike. He had the fastest time in his category for the bike!

The face of pain!

Ashlee!

The other best part is that Ashlee ROCKED this tri too! She did the Olympic distance and ended up getting 2nd place out of 14 women!!! She didn't even have clipless pedals and was borrowing a road bike. I'm so proud of her. She is AMAZING!

Cheering squad

I love that we were able to do this together as a family. It was such a cool experience. There is something so cool about being out there on the course and seeing your family doing something hard. Also having family on the sidelines cheering is just awesome. I am so grateful we made a goal and stuck to it. We are already trying to find another one to do as a family next year (perfect excuse to get back in shape after baby)!!! But this time it will probably be in Utah, cause Vegas is the WORST DRIVE EVER!!!

Dan's The Man

2011-12-07T21:21:00.002-07:00

I have been filled up reading different blog posts from a blogger I found yesterday named "Single Dad Laughing". He is incredibly inspiring! Tonight I read a blog post written to all dads called "You just broke your child. Congratulations". It is powerful. But more than anything it made me so grateful for the Dad to my Caleb. I was choked up by the end of the blog post because I was so filled with gratitude that I married a man who is everything this father pleads to all Dads everywhere to be. Our little boy sees in his daddy's face absolute love and adoration every time he comes home. I am so grateful!

There is also another absolutely powerful blog post he wrote called "I'm Christian, unless you're gay" Read it. I am a better person because of it.

Whoooo's That Playing At The Park

2011-11-11T16:01:00.007-07:00

This little guy is such a doll much of the time. He really is such a little buddy. We were at the park today, and I took my camera because the lighting was good. He is so dang cute.

In our family kissing and holding hands say "I love you." It seems he has been asking to "hold you hand mommy" more and more lately. Whenever there is a sweet song, or we watch a sweet youtube video (usually the cute mormon messages) he always wants to hold my hand because he feels something. I love it, and wanted to write it down before it stops and I forget about it.

Whenever I ask Caleb "Who loves you," he always says Maga (my mom)...little stinker. Today I asked him who his best friend was and he replied "Maga." Well, if I'm going to be replaced, my mom is the best one to replace me!

The other day we were in Smiths, and he was riding in one of their car carts. A woman walked by and started laughing because he was pretending to drive like a wild man. He said "mommy, she's laughing." When I asked him why he replied, "she's laughing cause I'm cute." Little monkey.

I am happy to report that this little guy is not pooping in his diaper anymore!!! It's so nice not to have to change his poops! Now we are working on not peeing during naps in his diaper. He was dry yesterday!

Caleb's sleeping time is shortening. He does not take a 3 hour nap consistently anymore (it's dropped to 2 hours). I can't complain. I've been spoiled these last 3+ years.

Caleb loves to read Dan's orthopedic surgery magazines while he's going to the bathroom. He is fascinated by the pictures. It's shocking really, they are gory and gross. Tonight while he was looking through one before going to bed I told him it's grody. He said very seriously, "it's not grody, they're fixin it." Are we going to have another doc in the future?

I love 3 year old little boys. He can be such a stinker, and it can be much more difficult because they are so strong willed, but I am having a blast with this guy. He is so ready to have a sibling. I love that he is old enough to really get what's going on. We can't wait to see him with him/her (he loves babies). We hit a huge milestone this past week! I am now in the 2nd trimester and we are SO GRATEFUL!

The last thing, he just has the cutest buns.

Happy Halloween From The Brown Santa Claus!

2011-10-31T20:53:00.007-06:00

10 Weeks!

2011-10-25T20:18:00.002-06:00

I had a rough week last week because it was the 9 to 10 week mark. We lost our first baby at 9 weeks 3 days. We went in for our last ultrasound today and everything is perfect. Baby is moving and has a heart rate of 164 again. Today was such a HUGE relief! At 10 weeks the fetal stage begins which means loss drops down to 2% (especially since we have a strong heartbeat on the ultrasound) according to wikipedia!

I have felt strongly that there is a boy waiting, but lately I am not so sure this is a boy. It will be so exciting to find out what we are having. Whatever it is, we are so so happy!

We are feeling so blessed and filled with gratitude. What a miracle this little one is. It's amazing that healthy pregnancies are so common. There are so many things that need to align to make it happen. I think most people take it for granted. But a healthy pregnancy is truly a miracle. We can't wait to meet you little one!

"Friday Night Lights"

2011-10-21T22:48:00.003-06:00

We hardly ever watch TV. I just don't think there is much on that is worth watching. However, we started "Friday Night Lights" after talking to family at the Donner reunion. I figured it was worth giving it a try.

Since the end of August, we have been watching at least 1 episode every night starting from season one. Tonight we finished the last episode of season 5 which is the end of the series. I feel as if we've said goodbye to dear friends. We loved this series and I will miss Coach Taylor and looking forward to watching our show! It's on netflix instant watch. Just watch it and thank me later!

CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS!

Transfer Of Care!!!

2011-10-11T20:00:00.002-06:00

We had an ultrasound today and everything looks perfect! I'm 8 weeks today and my doctor said since everything looks good at this point it's time to transfer care to my midwife! He said I could come in for one more ultrasound in a couple of weeks if I wanted to just for peace of mind, but at this point it's time to move on! I'm so excited.

Baby's heartbeat was 164 bpm. It felt good to set my first appointment with my midwife today for November 1st. Baby's due to come around May 22. We are feeling extremely hopeful! This has been a true miracle. It's interesting how the Lord works. We had our IVF initial meeting set and I can't tell you how satisfying it was to be able to cancel that appointment! We are feeling blessed. I can't wait to be done with the first trimester so we can breathe a sigh of relief (and I hopefully wont be feeling so crappy). God is good!

Blessed!

2011-09-29T14:34:00.006-06:00

See those lines at the bottom? I was not expecting to hear/see that today because it is still so early, but baby has a heartbeat!!! I couldn't contain the tears. I am so grateful. I have longed to hear that for oh so long. We are still not in the safe zone by any means, but my doctor said that in our case seeing the heartbeat today probably cuts my risk of miscarriage in half! I can feel your prayers and am so grateful for the love and support. I am embracing the nausea. Never thought I would be so happy to feel sick, but at this point I say BRING IT!

First Preschool Field Trip, And The Amazing Capybara!

2011-09-22T15:53:00.003-06:00

We are doing a rotating preschool with 7 moms where we take turns every 7 weeks to teach at our homes. It's been fantastic and has allowed me to go mountain biking with Gracie while Caleb is in school. Today was our first field trip, and it was an absolute blast!

Each child was assigned to share about a particular animal, and I think we got the most interesting one by far! Do you know what a capybara is? They are definitely worth learning about. We did Caleb's homework last night during dinner and ended up watching a bunch of youtube videos about them. They are absolutely fascinating. It is now on my bucket list to hang out with and love on a capybara during a future trip down to South America. They are amazing.

Caleb was adorable sharing about his animal. He was so excited to share and did a great job. I was impressed with all the details he remembered.

Here are a few facts about the Capybara:

1. They are the worlds largest rodent (think "Princess Bride").

2. They eat their own poop to help them absorb protein from the grasses and plants they live on (Caleb thought this was hilarious).

3. They are communal nursers. Babies nurse from all the mothers in the group.

4. They are extremely social and love to chatter among each other. The sounds they make are SO COOL!

5. They are semi-aquatic. They love water, have webbed feet, and can hold their breath for 5 minutes.

I probably had as much fun with the assignment as Caleb. We will never go to the zoo again without visiting our friend the Capybara. I love hearing Caleb say Capybara...so cute.

We have such a fantastic zoo. We were looking at one of the exhibits, and there was a couple women working there with a stuffed animal giraffe. The kids loved it. They then took the kids into a hut and had story time. I never even knew this little room existed. It was adorable. I love watching Caleb listen to stories.

I am such an animal lover, so the zoo is Heaven for me. I think it would be cool to pick out one animal each time we go to the zoo to research from now on. There are so many cool quirky things to appreciate about each species. I know, I'm a huge nerd when it comes to animals.

Thanks Caleb for being my little buddy. LOVE YOU!

Love You Forever

2011-09-21T14:50:00.002-06:00

I love the moments where I can tell Caleb really feels. We read this book a few nights ago, and after I put the book down I said "That's a good story." Caleb will often say that after reading a sweet meaningful book. Caleb then did something out of character, he turned around and just held me for a minute. Think spider monkey hug! It was a tender moment I will never forget. Love you forever little man. My baby you'll always be!

206 Miles---3 States---1 Day....and a sweet surprise!

2011-09-15T15:39:00.014-06:00

We just completed our 5th LOTOJA and it was a doozy! I definitely forgot how freaken hard this race was. It was amazing nonetheless.

You know we are committed when we ended up driving almost 30 hours from Thursday to Sunday to do this race. It was a whirlwind weekend, but 5 days later I can say it was magical (I needed to recover)!

We had the most incredible support crew this year. We have always had a great support crew in years past, but this one was my favorite. There were multiple times out on the course I would get teary (from exhaustion) just thinking I was going to be able to go see them at the next feed zone. I was so exhausted, and honestly they kept our spirits up. Thank you Megan, Heath, and Shelby! You have no idea how much you meant to us out there! It's what kept me pedaling.

Notice the decal on the car. We combined two people on the LOTOJA sticker to make it a tandem! Love it!

It is a tradition to stay with the Berthrong Family in Logan, and we LOVE it. They are incredible people to be around, and the food they make is second to none. We were in HEAVEN! Fred was even at the start line to see off a friend and it was so nice to have him there cheering for us! Our start time was 6:26am, so we had to get up bright and early.

I was extremely nervous for the race because of our lack of miles. We have been able to ride a lot, but didn't get in the long miles we normally do before this race. People generally do several centuries (100 mile rides, and our last century we've done was LOTOJA 2007) to train for LOTOJA. We just couldn't expect Caleb to ride 100 miles with us. Our longest ride this season was 60 miles. People laughed at us when they heard that was our longest ride. We felt it, but we were able to bite the bullet and push through...fast! Pulling that trailer made up for our lack of miles. I'll tell you what though, we paid for it the next few days. We were so brutally beat.

When we got to the start line, I was pretty bummed to see there were so many guy/guy teams. They didn't look like wimpy guys either. Little did we know we were going to beat all but 1!

The race started out super fast, and by the second feed zone there were 4 tandems together. After that, we weeded it down to 3 and ended up working with another couple the rest of the race. There was also a guy/guy team we would work with sometimes.

My favorite part of the race was seeing the Leake's and Tony during our climb up Montpelier. They are the guys we rode with during our first LOTOJA experience. Even though we have done better during our subsequent races, there will never be another LOTOJA like that FIRST ONE It was pure magic!

We really enjoyed the other couple we rode with. They were so cool, and they expressed how this was their favorite LOTOJA by far because they normally are alone the whole time. It really does make a big difference to work with people. We would wait at each feedzone to regroup which added a lot of time to our overall time which is a bummer, but I think it made the ride more enjoyable to be with this couple for 180 miles of the race.

Towards the end they told us to go ahead because they were struggling. We did, and we honestly thought we were going to win. As we were about to catch up with the guy/guy team, they flatted and so we thought we had it. We were so excited. However, we ended up getting passed with 18 miles to go. We were so bummed, but were also extremely happy with how the race turned out. We rode far beyond our training and beat a few guy/guy teams which was AWESOME! We ended up coming in 2nd place!

Here is our amazing support crew!

There is like a bazillion people at the feed zones, so it can be hard to find your feed. However, the day before, Megs, Heath, and Shelby won these vests at the venue. It was so awesome! We had absolutely no problem finding them!

We were so bloody tired when we got off the bike. I thought I was going to die. Normally I recover in about 20 minutes, but I just could not pull out of it. I was so exhausted. I just wanted to lie down and eat, eat, eat. It was brutal.

It wasn't until the next day that I realized why I wasn't recovering. I am PREGNANT!!! I took a test the day before LOTOJA which was negative. But it was positive the day after. We are so incredibly thrilled. It's still so early and considering this is my 6th pregnancy, I am hesitant to get too excited, but we are going to rejoice, be grateful and pray our guts out this is it. I ask all of you to also pray for us. We could really use your faith.

When I did my round of Femara (the fertility/cancer drug) it was before we got some test results back that indicated there might be a genetic issue that would make IVF our best option to make sure we get the right egg/sperm. We set an appointment with an IVF specialist for September 28th. Can I even tell you what a tender mercy this would be if this pregnancy works out? If we would have known those test results before, we would not have done the Femara. We know there is a possibility of conceiving a healthy baby without IVF because of Caleb, but we just weren't willing to experience loss after loss in hopes of getting the right match. Well, I think we might be saving ourselves some serious cash this time around. I pray this is it, and if it's not, we will know which direction we need to go. I'll tell you what though, I am feeling hopeful. The labs I've had taken this week are awesome, and so far things look great.

I have felt all a long that there is a son trying to get to us. I will be shocked if it's a girl, but we will be thrilled with whatever we can get! Because this little one rode the full 206 miles with us to Jackson, we will be using the name Eli Jackson Hoopes which I love! What a cool story this may be!

I'm so grateful for experiences like LOTOJA. It makes me feel so alive even though there were times I wanted to die. I love that I get to share it with my lover. Honestly, our tandem has been one of the sweetest blessings in our marriage. There are so many lessons to be learned through our tandem riding. Dan is such a stud, and I love that he would rather ride with me than race alone. I think we make a great team, and I can't wait to grow our "Team Hoopes"!

Deprived Child!

2011-09-07T17:24:00.002-06:00

You know your child is deprived when he sits and stares at his Cheetos bag in excitement for long periods of time. We are driving to Utah tomorrow, and I let Caleb pick out a treat. He is so stinkin' excited about his Cheetos! He has been carrying the bag around since he got up from his nap (knowing he can't have them until our drive). I love it.

Tomorrow we are off to Utah for LOTOJA! I'm so excited for this race and a bit nervous. What I do know is that we are going to have a happy boy with orange fingers tomorrow!

Live.Love.Tri.

2011-08-28T18:29:00.010-06:00

I just finished my second sprint triathlon. This one HURT. It was a great (hilly, and the run was on dirt for much of the time) course. I loved that it was an all women triathlon. It ended up being sold out!!! The girls who put it on did such a great job. This was the first year they put it on, and I'm sure it will become a very popular tri.

Because we have been training for LOTOJA, I haven't been running much at all. Maybe once a week for 20 minutes. The run kicked my butt, and I am embarrassingly sore today because of it. I was proud of my swim though. I've been swimming once a week and I was able to take over 2 minutes off my previous triathlon time. My time wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either. I am officially a mediocre swimmer which is leaps and bounds of what I was before!

It was fun but painful. I felt like I was pushing so hard but didn't have that feeling of "this hurts so good". It was more of a feeling of "this hurts so BAD". Unfortunately I started a new fertility med (which is normally used for breast cancer) last week that has absolutely kicked my butt. I have battled with horrible headaches, nausea, vertigo, and I have been beyond tired. Basically all the pregnancy symptomsX1o without being pregnant. I took the final dose for the cycle Wednesday night and was hoping it would be out of my system, but it wasn't. I still feel pretty awful today. I was grateful to only have a slight headache on the morning of the tri though. The rest of the symptoms usually hit hardest in the afternoon.

Even though I wished I felt better, I am still glad I did it. Doing this made me realize as soon as LOTOJA is over, I need to start running, running, running, in order to do the Pumpkinman Olympic distance in October. I am amazed that I can be pushing so hard and go so slow on the run. It's mind boggling really.

This has gotten me nervous/excited for the Pumpkinman. I definitely prefer longer distances, so hopefully that will be in my favor. However, I was so tired after I finished yesterday I'm nervous about how I will feel after over 2X the distance. We shall see! For now we are focused on LOTOJA!

Stats (record to compare to future tris):

5K Run: 30min 5 seconds. (9:42 minute mile...ha).

10 mile Bike: 34 minutes 54 seconds (average speed 21.49mph) a little disappointed in my bike.

400 meter Swim: 9 minutes 22 seconds

Total time (with transitions): 1:17:16

Category placing: 6th place out of 43 women

Overall placing: 35th place out of 265 women

Bike overall placing: 12th place out of 265 women (including relay teams).

This little guy is such a trooper. Poor little man was woken up at 5:30am to get there in time. He was a doll for the whole thing!

Christine did the tri with me! She rocked it. She registered for the Fat Tire category (those on mountain bikes) and took 2nd place!!! She is a stud! I totally envy her mad running skills!

Here I am downing a caffeine Clif shot, and Caleb hanging with us on his "Gorilla" bike.

Thanks for making me smile little man!

Please excuse the music. It's the only music I had on our computer.

HE DID IT!

2011-08-25T14:06:00.005-06:00

For a long time I worried Caleb would be in diapers forever. Whenever I would even suggest undies, he would cry and plead for a diaper. Well, he is potty trained during waking hours, and it was so EASY! All it took was a Lightning McQueen sticker chart!

I love seeing him in little undies. There have been a number of occasions where Caleb drops his drawers in front of others to show that he is a big boy now. YAY CALEB!!! Now we need to work on the nap time and nights. He seems to save his poops for those times, so I'm still changing poopy diapers often.

What Happens In Vegas....

2011-08-24T14:58:00.008-06:00

On our way to and from Donner (Tahoe California) we stopped in Vegas to have some Merback cousin time. The short amount of time we spent there was a blast. I love these boys!

Ash and I were deep in conversation and when we turned around this is what we found. It cracked me up! Baba, I know what you can get your little Caleb for Christmas. These boys are slowly converting Caleb to BYU football, and he absolutely loved the BYU cap!

Our timing was perfect. We got to be there with Cooper on his 3rd birthday! We love you Coobie!

Ashlee has a tradition where her kids get to decorate their own cake. This is of Cooper skiing behind the boat!

Caleb jumping off the shed into the pool with his beloved uncle Jake. He trusts Jake 100%.

No words needed!

Powell 2011 Video!

2011-08-19T21:19:00.001-06:00

I am so behind on posts. I will post more on Powell later, but here is a video Ashlee put together which captured the trip almost perfectly. It was such a blast!

"Water In My Eyes"

2011-07-31T19:18:00.003-06:00

We have been riding a lot lately. The little hombre has accompanied us on all of our training rides. I am so grateful he is so willing. He complains, throws things overboard, and asks to go home when we are doing long climbs, but overall he does a pretty amazing job. When I get frustrated, I need to remind myself that he is 3. Saturday we brought along a little leapfrog laptop thingy, and he was perfect for the 3.5 hour ride. We just need to keep him busy during the climbs. Caleb LOVES the downhills though. He pedals his little heart out and loves to go fast. I don't think this boy will ever experience much fear around speed. We get up to 43mph often and he enjoys every bit of it.

It started to rain towards the end of our ride Saturday and after a few minutes Caleb yells "Water in my eyes". I looked back and saw a super muddy face. Poor guy. I could not stop laughing and clicked a pic when we got home.

I love all the smiles that come from the people who see our little family ride past them. I love the conversations, magic sticks, pee breaks, loud songs, etc. I love this boy and love the memories we are creating.

July 25, 2002!

2011-07-24T21:16:00.004-06:00

I cannot believe it's been 9 years. We are 1 year away from a decade! Dan and I have shared so much together. I think we make a pretty amazing team!

A couple of weeks ago I went on the youth conference 4 day backpacking trip (life changing, more on that later). The last day we stayed at a cabin and many of the youth leaders drove up for the fireside/testimony meeting. Each youth on the trip received a letter from their parents and these letters were given out the last day on the trail. One of the leaders I adore asked Dan to write me a love letter and brought it up to give to me at the cabin. When she handed me the envelope, tears began streaming down my face after seeing the printed picture of Caleb and my sweetheart on the envelope. I missed both of them dearly, and after such an incredible experience I was filled will absolute love and gratitude for my little family.

As I began reading the sweet words of my sweetheart, I could not stop the tears. Oh how I love this man. It was such a tender love letter that I will hold dear all the days of my life. I just want to share the first paragraph;

"My dearest Lover, Bri,

Reading about George Washington has made me think about some things. In other's descriptions of his encounters with his wife during the revolutionary war, they all said that he visibly brightened when she entered the room. It was said that they were truly friends and that he loved having her by his side essentially on the battlefield for 52 of the 103 months the war lasted. She was the only one he could truly confide in and share the troubles of his heart while he had to put on a strong persona for everyone else in the world that so depended on him. You are my Martha Washington."

This is just the beginning of the sweetest letter Dan has ever written to me. I love this man with all my heart. He balances me out in a way no one else could. He works so incredibly hard for our family and loves our son in a way not many fathers show. Dan ended his letter by expressing gratitude that we get to stand side by side in this battlefield of life. So true, so true. Happy anniversary. You have my forever! I love you!

Oh how I adore these girls!

Crying with my Daddy

Weehoo(pes)!!!

2011-07-11T15:29:00.005-06:00

Today we took the Weehoo out for the maiden voyage and had a blast!!! What a fantastic idea for a trailer. We rode 46 miles which took us a little under 3 hours. Our top speed was 40.9 mph. The stud man loved going fast. The only time he whined was when we were climbing for a long time because we were going too slow. He probably pedaled 80% of the time. I'm interested to see how long his nap will last today.

I debated buying this trailer because it is pretty pricey. However, when I read the ratings on various websites and found out Dan gets off of work at noon on Friday and doesn't go back until Wednesday (research rotation which ends Sept 12!) I thought there would be no better time to buy it then now! It is for Caleb's B-day and fathers day. I'm so glad we got it! Caleb will go on most of our LOTOJA training rides from here on out. One of the coolest things about the Weehoo is that we can attach our Burley trailer to the wheel of the Weehoo when we have another baby! We are going to be quite the train! I think we are already falling in love with our Weehoo(pes)!

"I Go To The Zoo!"

2011-06-29T15:35:00.004-06:00

On Sunday evening we threw Caleb in the tub after getting super dirty outside. I then heard him yell "owie owie bum bum". I asked if he needed to poop and he said he did. We put him on the toilet and he POOPED!!! The whole time he kept saying "I go to the zoo!"

For a long time I've been using the zoo as a reward for going poop on the toilet and he finally did! We went today to celebrate. Unfortunately I don't think he is close to potty training, but we will keep trying.

We went with some friends and here are some cute pics of the littles. We are proud of you Caleb man!

Visiting with their "pet" porcupine.

Making snakes at the craft station.

Love these kids!

House Of The Lord

2011-06-28T21:50:00.012-06:00

The wedding, oh the wedding. It was absolutely wonderful. It was truly a day of love and celebration. I don't think it could have been a more perfect day.

While sitting in the sealing room of the temple, I could not help but weep. The spirit was so incredibly strong. I received a sweet confirmation during their ceremony about some things I've been questioning which brought me much peace. The sealer was incredible. I can honestly say I've never felt the spirit stronger in my life then I did on this special day. It was remarkable.

My testimony of the temple was strengthened, and it was sweet remembering back to the covenants Dan and I made almost 9 years ago in that same temple.

Below is a picture of Caleb and his cousins standing in front of the doors to the temple. Right before I took the picture I heard Caleb say to his cousins as he is turning the knob, "open the door to Jesus". There is such truth in his words. I know with all my heart that the temple really is the "House of the Lord".

We love you Tanner and Shelby. You were made for one another (even though I can't believe Tanner got so lucky)! You were also MADE for our family! Thank you for letting me be a part of this glorious event. I will count it as one of the sweetest days of my life.

"Open the door to Jesus"

All the cousins!

Kisses for his Baba.

Serious conversation.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Cousin love!

Baba and Tanner talking to a BYU football player at the temple. Tanner Merback puts most men to shame with his knowledge of football. He was in heaven.

Caleb has a thing for Jake. It's on the verge of worship.

Stana Kjar, my moms dearest friend. I LOVE her!

Mustaches are handsome as well as stylish.

Shelby was glowing. Such a magnificent day!

I finally allowed him to play in the sandbox which he was very happy about.

Caleb did not leave Shelby's side for much of the reception. I kept trying to get him away from her, but he knew what he wanted, and that was to be next to the beautiful bride. He loves Auntie Shelby!

Heck Yeah!

2011-06-25T15:35:00.004-06:00

I have been struggling with a bunch of things lately. I have felt my faith lacking and I have felt negativity in my life. I have thought a lot about doing "the card" lately because something needs to change. My mindset has not been where it could be. It seems as if I've allowed my trials to beat me down and it has wreaked havoc on my confidence (I just had my 4th miscarriage at Powell. Don't worry, I'm doing fine).

Today I have been preparing a lesson for my Young Women's class tomorrow, and I was searching for quotes in my email archives. I found an email I sent to a friend years ago. I needed it so badly. It came at the perfect time and I am so excited to really work on my mindset/faith/self improvement/card/etc. I am ready to get rid of the negativity and self doubt in my life! BRING IT!

I pasted the email I read on this post so I have it archived in my blog. I don't expect anyone to read it because it is LONG.

Aaron!!!

So awesome to hear from you. I am so happy for you, and proud of you for not giving up even though it seemed like everything was against you at that time. Very cool, and don't feel like you can't brag. I think that is something our society has turned into something negative. I think when it is done in the right way, it is a way of showing gratitude, and gratitude creates more things to be grateful for, so brag all you want. I love how my favorite quote talks about this " We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you." I think there is a lot of wisdom in those words. This is something I will go on and on about, because it is something I have struggled with and have changed. When I used to get compliments, I would be all shy about it and say something like "Naaa" etc. My mother said whenever someone gives you a compliment all you have to say is thank you. If you try to be modest you are basically telling that person that they are lying or that their observation is incorrect. I could explain this better if I could talk about it, but I think you get the point. So, I love to hear people recognize when they did something well, or when they share their talents to me in a way of gratitude and not holding back. I'm a huge advocate for this, and I have begun to adopt this into my life. I love when Dan brags to me about how he is doing in school, something someone said, or how strong he felt on a certain bike ride. etc. I'm not a fan of the word bragging, I like to look at it in a way of sharing our talents with others and being grateful for those talents. OK, this is not what I was planning on writing you about, so I will move on:-). Anyway, I'm so happy you were able to be the rock star you are up in the air, and that you knew in your heart what was right and stuck to it. By doing so you were able to share your talent with that hard core flight instructor and receive the confirmation from him that you were meant to fly:-). I have used that phrase many times before, but this is the first time that it is literal. You are also meant to fly in many other ways.

You talked about in your email that you thought about how the universe will conspire for you to fulfill your desire and that is why you were able to wait it out and make it through the difficulties you were faced with. It talks about this in "The Alchemist" in the way that the universe will conspire to help you follow your lifes legend. I can't remember perfectly how it was said, but there was something in the book that talks about how there will be a time when everything will be against you when you are about to realize your lifes legend. I believe that when we are close to any big realizations or epiphanies, this can happen. We can be the ones to create this on our own with self doubt, or I believe this is when Satan comes in and tries to derail and discourage us, because of anyone he does not want us to realize our potential. He uses the most destructive tactic which is discouragement. That is why I am so grateful for the things that I have learned lately, because discouragement was a big obstacle for me in the past, and now I have the tools to overcome it.

This is something I have experienced recently. When I went home for Christmas, I was in such a weird place in my life. I was completely on the defense because I was stressed out. The main thing I was freaking out about was having kids. Dan wants to start a family so badly, and I didn't. I also was defensive with my family because I didn't want to hear about how I was avoiding getting pregnant, and letting my job get in the way. Also, we didn't know what specialty Dan was going to choose and I struggle with unknowns. The thought of me getting pregnant meant that I would not be working at my job for much longer and that saddened me greatly. So when I was home in Utah there was all that going on and then there was a lot of chaos within my family. A lot of my negative qualities were manifested because I was so unsettled. Then Dan came out for a few days to work with me over Christmas break and did his card group. We had a great time. It was so good for me, and it was awesome for Dan to see what I do out there and to understand why I love it so much. Then a couple of weeks later we talked in depth about how much stress was on him about starting a family and how he worried more about that than anything else, (which is sad because he was in his hardest rotation and didn't need other things to worry about) which helped me realize that my resistance to even hear what was in his heart was hurting him deeply. In the book "The Power of Intention" Wayne Dyer talks about how when there is resistance in our lives we are not living our lives with intention. This is so true. When I finally heard Dan and his pain and heartache I came to understand and to be understood is to be loved. The switch flipped inside my head and heart before I went to work the next day. After that conversation I wrote Dan a big long letter about how I was on board about supporting him with whatever specialty he chooses and that I was on board about starting our family. I told him I would be doing a lot of soul searching during that week at work and I just talked about how much I appreciated him in supporting me etc.

When I got back home the following week, Oprah had the secret on her show. Dan and I at this point had resolved all of the things I was struggling with over Christmas, and everything had lined up perfectly for this point in my life. So that is when you posted the myspace bulletin. I had my first realization back before Christmas time at work, but like I already said in other emails, that was just the beginning. I feel like now I am internalizing it in a way that has truly changed my life. Writing about this stuff and getting your emails has been a huge piece in the process. It is so exciting and I want to help everyone realize their power and how awesome life can be. Dan and I are doing so well, and he is so excited about how excited I am about all this stuff. He said this has been his hope for years and it's so fun to talk about this stuff with each other. So the reason I say all this is because I went back home last week for the awesome POWDER week:-). My Dad said that he knew I was different the second I walked in the door. It was such an incredible trip home Aaron. I had conversations with my family that were so powerful and meaningful. I shared with them our emails we have shared and they LOVED them. It was so refreshing to be home and to be able to notice how obvious the difference was. When I left my Dad told me how proud he was of who I am becoming and it was so awesome. I love my family and I love that they are so open to different ideas and to self improvement. I am grateful I was raised by a Dad who has done this kind of thing his whole life. When we would be driving on vacations he would put self help tapes on and we would complain and say "Here we go again with Dad's mental tapes". Well, I am now a fan of mental tapes:-) and whatever else that can help me fulfill the measure of my creation. So lets just say I am grateful for you and your part you have played in my journey up to this point in my life. I am so excited to see what else I get to learn. I am like a sponge and I am also wanting to give to others this passion I have for how much power we have to be joyful.

An example of how what we tell ourselves can affect us really hit home for me this weekend on a bike ride. We were planning on doing a century ride (100 miles) on our tandem with a big group of seasoned riders. We did one a few weeks ago and it kicked our butts so bad. Dan had not been riding (or working out for that matter) and I really wanted to get back out on the bike and ride with these guys. That was a humbling century because normally we are fast. Well, we have been riding more the past few weeks and the century planned yesterday had a ton of climbing in it. Climbing on a tandem is very difficult, but we were up for the challenge. Early on in the week I wrote on the mirror "We fly up Baldy Pass". It is a super steep hard climb. Anyway, lets just say we flew up Baldy Pass yesterday. It kicked our trash, but it was so much fun. We stopped at a rest point with the big group of guys and they left while Dan was fixing something on the bike. We have route slips so we were only like 30 seconds behind them, but we took a wrong turn. Realized it a mile later turned around and were on our way. We were bummed cause we wanted to start the climb with everyone (considering being on a tandem is a huge disadvantage). Well, after a while we started reeling people in. Finally half way into it we found another one of our riders and we asked, who else is in front of us, and he said "We're it". We were so stoked. It was cool to know that even writing a statement on the mirror can make a difference. I love riding with Dan and it's so much fun to be able to push each other to fly:-). Even though this is a small thing, it's fun to realize that words and thoughts affect things big and small.

The last thing I want to talk about is my drive home from my parents house Monday. I thought about all the cool things that have happened and I also listened to "The Secret" book on tape. It is AWESOME!!! I liked it better than the movie. My favorite thing it talked about is how Love is the most powerful emotion of all. When we are filled with love, we are filled with power. This is so true. I learned how to truly love people on my mission. I think that is why I love my job so much because I am filled with love for those kids and the people I work with. You love those you are serving and helping. So as I was listening to the secret about love and how it is the most powerful emotion I thought about who the most powerful person that ever lived on this earth was. Christ. Christ is filled with Love, Christ is Love. Enthusiasm in Greek means "God within". I love talking about enthusiasm because it is what I feel when I am following my life's legend and it is what I feel when I help others and when I talk about this stuff. So if we have enthusiasm then we have god within, and if God is within us, we are filled with Love. If we are filled with Love, our frequency is at it's peak, and that is when we have the light of Christ. Light is Power. I love that. It is all so connected.

The Secret even talks about how it is all based on faith. So sending out that positive energy is having faith that certain things WILL happen. "Faith precedes the miracle". The cool thing about the secret is that it can work for anyone and it presents it in a more accepted way of creating your reality without attaching it to religious beliefs. But it all comes down to faith. I think the secret gives a more understandable description of what faith can do if we adopt it into our lives. I myself have found it even more powerful when I connect The Secret and God together. It is so awesome. The tape also talked about how when there is faith present fear cannot be present. This is so true, that is why people who apply the secret to their lives can take chances. They have faith. This is why you were able to stay in Sacramento when everything was against you, you had faith. It is so awesome, and so comforting. I have feared having children because I don't want to mess up as a mother, and I think I'm too selfish to love being a mom. Well, I am starting to let that go and telling myself how that is living in fear and being a victim to my fear. I am so much more at peace because I know all will be well, and I have complete control of what mother I will become. One thing is for sure, my kids will know I love them, and that is the most important thing. "Faith casteth out all fear". I just finished reading the book "The Robe". It is about the roman soldier that crucified Christ and cast lots and won the robe. It is the story of his conversion to Christ. This is a historical fiction non-denominational book that is so profound. I loved how it talked about the Christians and how fearless they were. It depicted how powerful faith can be even in the midst of death. So cool, and so touching.

Well Aaron, this email is forever long. I hope this novel wasn't too personal. I am an open book:-). I thank you for being so inspiring and teaching me and for forcing me to be aware of what has happened lately. It has been a great blessing. I will continue to send my energy your way and always remember you were born to fly.

Take care,

Bri

The Stud Man Skis!

2011-06-19T22:25:00.006-06:00

Just got back from Powell. Will post more later, but had to post a quick one about our little stud man. What a blast we had!

This video was taken by my little sister's friend from the top of the houseboat. We have more video to come, but I really liked this angle. Caleb bailed at the end cause he saw one of our guys swimming and thought it was Dan!

Excited About...

2011-06-01T20:24:00.003-06:00

Seeing these two get married on Saturday!!!!!!!! I am so excited I can't stand it. We LOVE Shelby. We have all said that if Tanner didn't marry Shelby, we would keep Shelby and kick Tanner out of the family.

It's going to be a bit brutal because we are driving down Friday night which will get us to Utah about 3am. The wedding is the next day...I sure hope the boy sleeps in the car, or we will have a nightmare child at the wedding.

I'm excited Caleb will see his first real wedding. he has been talking about it constantly. After I showed Caleb our wedding video he would constantly ask "watch mommy get married?" for some time afterward. He loved it. Whenever I say Uncle Weedge is getting married he adamantly says "No, Auntie Shelby is getting married". I guess the wedding day really is about the girl, even to a 2 year old.

Then.........

5 days later, we head down to Powell!!! I cannot wait to see our little man get up on skis this year (hopefully). I cannot wait to be with family, eat really good food (this is a love hate because we all gain far too much weight at Powell), surf, play in the sun, and have Phillips talks! I love my family, and love this tradition. I just hope it's warm for us considering Utah has had the worst spring ever.

I better get back to cooking...ugh. I've been cooking nonstop the last 2 days for the trip. I just want to GET THERE!

Little Stud!

2011-05-23T20:42:00.001-06:00

I know that I keep posting about Caleb riding a bike, but I can't help it. He is improving every time we go out. We are so proud of you, you brave little dude!

Oh How I Adore These Boys!

2011-05-17T21:30:00.016-06:00

We were hanging out in the backyard Sunday and I decided to play around with our new camera. I'm so glad I did. I got some great moments. These boys are the best things in life, that's for sure!

I told Caleb to make a sad face and this is what he gave me.

Sometimes it's the spontaneous last minute pictures (hair undone, only in a diaper) that capture our little ones personalties the best.

Call Her Blessed

2011-05-08T17:09:00.005-06:00

Proverbs 31:28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed...30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth theLord, she shall be praised.

I love this woman. I really love this woman. She is remarkable and I honestly am filled with gratitude I was blessed to be raised by such a mother. I call her blessed, and she is such a woman she shall be praised. I love you my dear sweet mother.

My dear sweet boy, thank you for giving me the gift of motherhood. I could have never imagined the joy being a mother could bring. You carry my heart in your hands little man.

Dream Come True!

2011-05-05T19:58:00.004-06:00

First of many battle wounds!

I have always dreamed about the day my children would ride a two wheeler for the first time. Cycling is such a huge part of our lives and we pray our love of cycling will be inherited by our children. Well, Caleb has started young and is officially riding a two-wheeler at the age of 2!!!!!!!!

It wasn't really planned. He has been struggling with pedaling a bike. It's been frustrating because he just couldn't get it. We had a few minutes before bedtime to take him out front and practice. Something just clicked and he was able to pedal. We decided to take the training wheels off just to see. We were SHOCKED! HE DID IT!

This moment definitely goes down in my book for top moments of my life. We are so proud of you little man!

Coyote Carrera Sprint Triathlon 2011

2011-04-25T15:32:00.003-06:00

What a weekend! I completed my first sprint triathlon and it was a BLAST! I found out about it last Sunday and decided "why not". I've always wanted to do one and it was local. I swam laps for the second time in my life at my gym last week to make sure I could do the distance without drowning (where I got passed by a 60+ year old woman doing the BACKSTROKE). I also have not run since January when I got a gym membership. I did not want to practice the run last week because I didn't want to get sore for the race. I'm so glad I didn't because I can hardly walk now.

I am not a runner. I don't know what it is, but I am just not able to run very fast even though I'm fit and work out a lot. It has always been something I joke around about. I kept saying I would be lucky to run the 3.1 miles at a ten minute mile pace. I know this is silly to be excited about, but I did it in a 9:19 mile pace! It was by far the hardest part for me as you will see in the pictures below. I am now committed to work on my running.

The order was a run/bike/swim. I was so relieved to be running towards my bike. What has been good about working out at the gym is that I now have been able to start riding again. I do spin classes at least 2 times a week. I know this helped me a ton for the bike. The bike section was a blast and I was able to make up a lot of time. I felt pretty good, but my calves started cramping towards the end (dang you run). I was still able to push hard though. I averaged 19.2 mph on the bike. The course was an out and back on a narrow bike trail so there were a few times I would have to slow down before passing, but it was way better than I thought it would be. I heard horror stories about the bike section last year. They re-routed the runners this year though which helped a lot.

The swim...watching the video cracks me up. My body is so low in the water and my head is too high. I was flailing. It ended up being fun and not too hard. My calves were cramping super bad if I pointed my toes, so I had to be careful. It felt really good to jump in the water. 400 meters took me 11:23 which is a crappy time, but it could have been worse. I am hoping to get coaching from my brother in law at Powell to learn the technique. I now have the motivation to become a decent swimmer.

I am so glad I did this. It's the first time I've competed since being pregnant with Caleb, so it's been years. I forgot how much I love competition. I love the feeling of adrenalin and pushing my body as hard as I can. I love the energy I feel from all the other racers. It's just a blast. What I loved about this is the change. I can totally see why people love triathlons. It was so much fun doing different things. It never got boring. I think I have found a new sport!

The results were posted yesterday and I was shocked to see I came in 4th place in my category of 19 women (I came in 30th place out of 106 women with all the categories combined)! When I saw how much 2nd and 3rd place beat me by I kept thinking about where I could have shaved off time. 3rd place was 56 seconds ahead of me and 2nd place beat me by 1 minute 2 seconds. SO CLOSE. Although, I felt like I pushed myself as hard as I could so I don't think I could have done it faster.

Three Best Things:

1. Having Dan and Caleb there. They were so cute! Dan is never on the sidelines so this was new for us. He was so supportive and I loved hearing him cheer for me. Caleb loved the experience. He was content the whole time because there was so much going on. Oh how I love my boys. Dan now wants to do a triathlon even though he hates running and doesn't swim. I know he will love it!

2. Having people from our ward there. There were 6 from our ward who did it and it made it so much more fun. I loved seeing everyone out there on the course! I talked a friend into doing it last minute and I loved seeing her love it too! I'm so glad we shared this Christine! You did great!

3. Cycling. My cycling time was the fastest in my category. It's nice to know I still got it! It is such a huge part of our lives and it felt good to see all the years of riding my bike are still with me.

I can't wait to do another one! There is an all womens sprint tri in August. I'm also looking to do an Olympic distance tri sometime this year if we can find one that falls on a Saturday. Most are on Sunday...lame.

All in all, it was the best weekend I've had in a very long time. I'm super sore though.

Happy Easter and love to all!

City View ward represent!

I love this picture. I wish I knew why we were laughing.

Start line with Chelsea (she is the young womens president and I LOVE her).

I love that the girl ahead of me is smiling. I definitely was not.

Yeah, these pics are hot...I was breathing way too hard.

So happy to be on the bike! I am stuffing the shot blocks under my shorts here. this is the very beginning of the bike.

Me doing what I do best, stuffing my face!

I love how flattering all the pictures are. It's amazing how ugly working out can be.

This video will only be exciting for family members. It's quite boring. However, you can see my sweet swimming skills if you want.

Oh The Places You'll Go

2011-04-13T20:12:00.008-06:00

"Oh The Places You'll Go" is a fantastic Dr. Seuss book. I love it. I also realized about a month ago that I have been in the "waiting place" for some time now. If you are familiar with the story, the "waiting place" is not a good place to be. In my case it's the waiting place of ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, the no, I can't make that commitment because I might be pregnant...and on and on and on.

After doing this for almost 2 years now, I have committed to get out of the "waiting place" and really live my life. I'm not saying I haven't been living. I have learned so much over the last two years. I have loved my life. But it has definitely been a roller coaster. I've been too focused on every month. I can't do it anymore.

One of the things we do that makes me feel more alive than almost anything else is to ride the tandem with my Man. I miss the long rides we shared together before having Caleb. I especially miss doing LOTOJA (206 miles). Well, we signed up for it last week!!! It's not until September so there is quite a bit of time from now until then that I could possibly be pregnant, but I'm sick of putting things off. I say if I'm pregnant before then fabulous, if not, I get to do our beloved LOTOJA and I have something to look forward to! I always enjoy working out, but training for something brings such a purpose to working out which I love! We are very excited. Plus Dan's brother Ben and his wife Chelsea are doing it with us!!!

So...

be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray

or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,

you're off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So...get on your way!

This picture was taken from our first LOTOJA. It was truly a MAGICAL experience! You can read about it HERE. The bike we were on sucked so bad.

Les Miserables

2011-04-10T19:42:00.007-06:00

Anyone who knows Dan knows he has an absolute passion for "Les Miserables". He has seen the musical 6 times. He has even read the unabridged version of the book and said it was life changing. He also owns the CD's of the whole musical.

Caleb loves listening to music. For months we have had the primary songs playing in our car. Every time we get in the car he asks me to turn on "songs about Jesus". While I think the primary songs are great, you can imagine how annoying it got listening to them over and over again.

Right before we left to Utah Mandy posted THIS blog about a song in Les Miserables. It moved me deeply. After sharing it with Dan, he went on a search to find his CD's of the musical.

We took the long drive to Utah a couple of weeks ago. We were not willing to listen to primary songs for 9 hours strait so we listened to Les Miserables and Caleb was convinced they were songs about Jesus (which they ultimately are).

I can't even begin to explain what happened during the first 3 hours of our drive. It was actually quite profound. We would listen and then pause it. We would discuss it and Dan would fill in the details etc. and then we would play it again. If we paused it for too long Caleb would get impatient and say "turn it louzy (louder, not sure why he says louzy)". He was absolutely quiet for the entire 3 hours we were listening to the story/musical.

There were multiple times throughout that Dan and I both had tears streaming down our faces. The spirit was so strong. We drove to Utah on a Sunday and I told him this was the best 3 hours of church I've had in a long time. If you don't know the story, you must know it. It is remarkable, a work of art.

What struck me the most is that I know Caleb also felt the spirit strongly. It was such a sweet experience to see my baby not understand the words, but feel them. now every time we get in the car he still asks for "songs about Jesus" and we are constantly being filled up with songs about redemption, forgiveness, mercy, and love!

Feeling Grateful

2011-04-04T13:19:00.002-06:00

We just got back from our Utah/Moab trip yesterday and my house is a disaster. I need to unpack, do laundry, clean, and make food but I wanted to post this beautiful pic of the boy and say I am feeling grateful for my little family. Our trip was a blast and I just love my boys and our little Gracie. I will write more about the trip later, but here's to feeling grateful!

P.S. We haven't listened to conference yet, but I'm excited to hear all the talks. From the FB updates I've read it sounds like family seemed to be a theme!!!

Skiing!

2011-03-31T21:00:00.000-06:00

Mesmerized by the fire. This is definitely my boy!

On the lift with Daddy.

Anyone who knows me knows skiing is one of the greatest loves of my life. I always say I did full time skiing and part time school during my college years. I pretty much skied 80+ days a season throughout my college experience and I deeply cherish the relationships and memories made on the mountain! To see my little guy ski now makes my heart smile. Here's to many more memories/days to be had!

"I Keep Trying"

2011-03-18T22:40:00.004-06:00

This boy has the balance down almost perfect, now he just needs to pedal the dang bike. I'm tempted to ducktape his shoes to the pedals. He has taken his fair share of crashes, but this one is great. I wish I was farther away. This little guy has such a great attitude. I love it. We are hoping to get him riding a pedal bike before his 3rd birthday. Wish us luck!

Here's another video of Caleb riding his "little bike" down the hill today.

Sunshine Promises

2011-03-14T16:13:00.005-06:00

When I first heard about Bennett's death I was absolutely devastated. I could not bear thinking about the pain our dear friend Mandy and her family were going through.

I have followed Mandy's blog for quite some time now. I adore reading her blog because she has an incredible gift of writing. She is able to write in a way that touches people to their core. When I heard of baby Bennett's passing, I felt strongly that Mandy had a lot of work to do in telling his story.

Last week I was ecstatic to find out that Mandy has in fact started an open blog about her story. It is so inspiring and I promise it is a blog worth adding to your blog roll. I am a better person for knowing this woman, and I'm so grateful that even though she is neck deep in grief, she is willing to share herself with the world. Thank you sweet sister!

Sunshine Promises

Caramel Apple Cheesecake Bars with Streusel Topping

2011-03-13T20:50:00.002-06:00

I have been working on trying new recipes for our family because I have been getting so sick of the same old thing. I've realized I actually really enjoy cooking (when it turns out). I have a lot to learn, but I am willing. Unfortunately I found this recipe a couple of days ago and had to try it. I am a sucker for cheesecake and even more of a sucker for any type of apple dessert. This recipe has both together and it is DIVINE! I halved the recipe because I knew I did not want a full pan of this stuff hanging around my house. Let me know if you try this out. Would love to hear your opinion.

You can find the recipe HERE. I have fallen in love with this girls website.

Choosing To Be Vulnerable

2011-03-06T21:17:00.002-07:00

I just read THIS blog post a facebook friend linked on a status update. I needed to read it. I have struggled with the thought of becoming pregnant again. I am filled with a sense of dread thinking about getting through the first 12 weeks. After the pain I have experienced since my 3rd miscarriage, it scares me to death to feel that again. However, after reading her post, it has forced me to re-evaluate how I will approach this next pregnancy. I was touched by her words of gratitude for the weeks she was able to feel that bliss during her pregnancies that ended in loss. I will now look at it differently, and for that I am grateful.

Tithing Is The Bomb!

2011-02-25T20:44:00.002-07:00

It seems like every time we pay our tithing we are blessed. 10% of our income every month seems like it would be a lot for us to donate when we don't have much of an income. It's a pretty good chunk of change, but as Malachi said in the bible;

Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

I have a strong testimony of tithing. We have experienced too many blessings through paying tithes not to know that Malachi's words are true.

As you all know, we are paying hundreds of dollars a month for fertility meds. When we had our most recent miscarriage I felt overwhelmed about having to pay for meds.

Right around the time I miscarried, I joined a facebook group that a woman started to help women get fertility meds at a low cost. A kind woman gave us a month and a half worth of meds for $80 which is an incredible deal. Then I got an email today about meds that were donated that will be sent to us next week. I only have to pay shipping! We feel very blessed and are so grateful for generous loving people. I look forward to one day being able to give back to women struggling with infertility.

Today we were blessed. The above picture is a picture of a chair that was left in our garage by the previous owners of our house. When we moved in, I told Dan we had to get rid of the massive barber chair. Thankfully my husband has an eye for valuable things. We have stored it in our garage for the last 2.5 years and I finally decided to put it up on Craigslist. I looked on eBay to see how much we could sell it for and was shocked at how much they cost. Today we sold it to a super nice guy for $700! We are stoked to finally have it OUT of our garage, but also to have a nice chunk of change go towards meds for the next few months! We feel extremely blessed!

Calebisms!

2011-02-13T19:34:00.009-07:00

I remember reading other moms blogs about the funny things their kids say/do and thinking how excited I would be to hear the funny cute things Caleb would say some day. Well, that day has come! He is so stinkin adorable most of the time. Here are a few of the Calebisms.

Any time Caleb hears a baby cry or sees a picture of a sad truck, kid, animal he says "Baby's crying". I always ask "Why is the baby crying?" His response 99% of the time is: "Wants mommy". Please remember that my son.

When Caleb sees a truck/plane/spaceship/ anything that goes fast (even if it's in a book) he says "I wanna ride it".

Whenever Caleb sees a pregnant woman he gets super excited and says "tummy"! He loves babies and pregnant bellies.

We've been working on Caleb's ability to share. Now every time he shares (which he is getting much better about) he always says to me "I being nice". Hey, even if he does it for external validation, it's OK by me.

The last couple of days at the gym coming to get him out of kids club he has been on the cute little kid workout machines. When he sees me he excitedly says "I workin out".

Often Caleb will stop what he is doing and say "hi mommy" or "hi daddy" in such a way that really melts our hearts. It's in the "I love you" kind of way. It reminds me of the movie "Avatar" when they say "I see you". That is exactly what Caleb is conveying and I love it.

My favorite thing by far; last week while taking Caleb out of his car seat he started kicking his little legs super fast and looked up with a joyful, calm look on his face and said "I happy". He now has started doing it quite often. I love that he is beginning to understand/recognize his emotions (and emotions of others). Like all mothers, the deepest desire of my heart is for my children to be happy.

A couple of nights ago Caleb and I were doing something in the kitchen and he said his "I happy". I asked him "Why are you happy?" He answered "cause mommy". My heart is yours little man.

The Joy Of My Life!

2011-02-09T19:00:00.004-07:00

Caleb and I have a little game that cracks him up. I pretend I'm asleep and then wake up.

Caleb has a cough right now so listen closely to his smoker laugh at the end. SUPER CUTE! I adore this little person.

Tribute To Caleb...The Dog!

2011-01-26T16:11:00.006-07:00

Oh how my whole family adored this dog. We got Caleb after we moved to Utah in April of my freshman year. He was a pain in the rear for 2 years (like all puppies), but ended up being the most amazing dog ever. Putting him down after a 14+ year love affair was traumatic for my family. My brother Tanner still refuses to watch "Marley And Me", which is totally understandable. It hit way too close to home except for the fact Caleb was actually a good dog worth missing:-). That movie about killed me.

He started out as my dog. I chose him and named him (ironic huh? I'm just grateful Dan has a great grandfather named Caleb so we could use it for our child and not have him be named after our dog...). Then he pretty much became Tanner's dog. They adored each other. Tanner was a little kid and they did everything together. I wish I had some older pictures of him and Tanner. There is a pic of them fishing together on the back of our boat at Powell that is priceless.

He then was my dog again in college. He was a part of all my adventures. I don't even know how many times that dog hiked timp. My favorite memories of Caleb though was my summers working up at the Sundance stables as a trail guide. He would go out with me on every trail ride and would get so ripped during the summer. He LOVED it. I didn't live at home during that time, but would go to my parents to pick him up each day for work. My dad said he would be waiting by the door for me each day. It was magic for the both of us.

When I left on my mission, Ashlee had her time with him. Caleb accompanied Ash on all her training runs she was doing for her marathons.

We all got our time with this beloved dog in one way or another and cherish the memories we have with him. He left a big hole in each of our lives when he had to be put down. I still think about him almost daily and it's been a few years since he's been gone.

If you ever want to see my big gruff brother cry, talk to him about Caleb.

I love that in the LDS doctrine it talks about how animals will also be resurrected. It brings me much joy knowing we will see our Caleb again. I look forward to the day when he will run to me once again. I have no doubt there will be balls and sticks for Caleb in Heaven. We love you yellow dog!

Grandma Bridgette and Caleb as a puppy.

Good ol dog at the stables.

One of many rock climbing excursions. This was a trip to Moab.

Skiing Timp

Another Timp ski trip

Rock Canyon

Timp Summit

Skiing Timp with Caleb chasing.

Love Of Horses

2011-01-26T16:02:00.004-07:00

I clearly remember the first time we visited my uncles 20 acre ranch in San Luis Obispo CA. We walked into the indoor arena and watched a girl riding a HUGE white horse (named Chloe). She was jumping fences that were about 5 feet high. I recall turning to my mom and saying "I would NEVER do that". Little did I know, I would be doing THAT on the same horse a year or two later.

I was a very insecure kid. I had two sisters above me who were so talented. They had their "things". Ashlee was a gifted athlete, and Jami had a voice of an angel. I was an awkward uncoordinated kid that just didn't fit anywhere.

My parents were worried about me. They were trying to find something that I could feel good about. They talked with my uncle who got in contact with one of the trainers (Jill, to whom I will forever be grateful) on his ranch to set up horse riding lessons. I believe it was the end of my 6th grade year.

I liked it fine, but after about a month I was getting bored. That was until I got to jump over my first little X fence. From that point on everything changed.

I felt passion for the first time in my life. It consumed me. I found my "thing"! I don't remember much of my Jr. High experience (thank Heaven, that is such an awkward time in life) because my life was lived at the Ranch. I would go to school, take the bus from school to the Ranch, and then head home late just in time for dinner. During the summer I would get dropped off early in the morning and picked up late in the evening. I was in Heaven, I was in my element.

This is a part of my life that not many people know about. However, it was one of the most critical turning points of my life. I learned how to work hard. I learned to overcome fears. I learned that I was capable. I realized that I was an incredibly passionate person. I learned that I could be dang good at something by not giving up. I learned that the love of a horse can heal a broken girl.

I have such a tender place in my heart for horses. I always say they saved me. My mom agrees. I rarely am able to talk about this without getting emotional. It was the beginning of a life that would be full of adventure and challenges. My first true heartbreak in life was when we moved from San Luis Obispo to Orem Utah my freshman year. It took a while to recover, but my horses instilled in me the courage to do hard things.

I am incredibly grateful for parents who wanted so badly to bring purpose and joy into the life of their daughter. Horses are pure magic for me. They changed me. I get such an overwhelming feeling of comfort when I walk into a barn. It was such a special and important time in my life.

I believe that finding that "thing" (which is constantly changing) in our lives is so important . I pray with all my heart that I too can help each of our children find their "thing". If it happens to be a gigantic animal, so be it. It worked for me!

This is the first of many posts I will be doing about my life. It is written more for my kids than anything. I have felt pressed to write about significant experiences. It has been pretty dang awesome going through pictures and "remembering".

This One's For Grandma!

2011-01-25T19:48:00.005-07:00

This video is far too long for anyone who is not related. I've been trying to get a video of him singing for some time, but he wont. I hid the camera so we could get it. Caleb definitely did not get blessed with Shmarties singing abilities (neither did I). It's hilarious and I love it. I totally see him being the kid in the primary program that sings super loud and way off tune. Can't wait!

Heartache And Hope

2011-01-25T14:45:00.007-07:00

I thought I was doing pretty good, but I am more fragile than I realized. On Saturday I got a phone call from my mom. She read to me out loud this message from facebook.

One more Angel in Heaven - This morning at 8:30, we found out that our precious 20 month old son - Bennett - had passed away in his sleep. Words cannot express the heartache and emptiness that we feel. But we will forever be indebted to the Lord for the time we had with him on earth. Was it enough? Heck no. But we look forward to making a lifetime's worth of memories (and then some) with him in the life to come.

We will post funeral arrangements when we know of them.

Hold your babies tight tonight. Life can pass away so fast.

I sobbed and sobbed. I felt such deep sadness and heartache for this incredible family. I have shed tears daily since hearing the news. They do not know why he passed, but what we do know is that he was lovingly taken from this life by a tender Heavenly Father.

Mandy (Kjar) is the daughter of my moms best friend Stana. We vacationed with this family on several occasions. We ADORE this family. Ashlee and I were also able to share our Africa experience with Mandy before I left on my mission. My mother heart is breaking for her and her little family. I cannot imagine the pain she is going through.

Mandy is such an incredible mother. I think of her as a mother of all mothers (like her mother). Why this is part of the plan for their family I don't know. What I do know though is that she will get through this triumphant and I also know that baby Bennett was smothered in love during his short little life.

THIS (please go read it) blog post was written by Hailey Kjar, Mandy's sister in law. It touched me deeply. I cannot read it without bawling my eyes out.

Here is baby Bennett's obituary written today;

BENNETT WILKINSON

| Visit Guest Book

Bennett Scott Wilkinson 2009 ~ 2011 On Saturday, January 22, 2011, a Loving Father in Heaven tenderly took home one of His own. Bennett Scott Wilkinson, born May 31, 2009, brought more joy, light and love to the world in a mere 20 months than many experience in a lifetime. It was a privilege to call him our son. He spread love and laughter wherever he went whether it was smothering his mommy with kisses, falling asleep on his daddy's chest for a nap, calling out to his sisters, Emma and Gracelyn, for morning bath time or playing "cahs" with his best friend and brother, Ashton. He was eager to smile, anxious to love, quick to laugh and ready to forgive. We will smile whenever we remember his obsession with all-things handles and the way his little body shuffled around the kitchen trying to sweep the floor for mommy. He was a gift. Simply a gift. We will forever cherish the scribbles left on our walls, the handprints placed on our windows and the etching he engraved on our hearts. He was here but a moment but will be ours forever. And with Bennett, forever won't be long enough. Anxious to see him again are his adoring parents David and Amanda Wilkinson (Centerville), his loving siblings Emma, Gracelyn and Ashton, his precious grandparents Scott and Stana Kjar (Centerville), David and Kris Wilkinson (Portland, OR) and Burton and Linda Grover (Pasco, WA) and his tender great- grandparents Stan and MaryEllen Smoot (Bountiful) and Noma Kjar (Centerville) followed by a host of doting aunts and uncles that loved and adored him. He was preceded in death by an uncle Rendell Wilkinson and a multitude of caring family members that we trust will watch over our little boy until we are with him again. Funeral services will be held Thursday, January 27th at noon at the Centerville North Stake Center (1450 N. Main). There will also be a viewing Wednesday evening from 6-8:00 p.m. and before the funeral from 10-11:30 a.m. Interment Centerville City Cemetery. Online guestbook at www.russonmortuary. com. We'll love you forever, We'll like you for always Forever and Always Our baby you'll be. No goodbyes, just see-you-laters . . .xoxoxoxo

One last thing. While I was talking to Ashlee on the phone yesterday she shared an experience she had with her boys. Her boys were with her when my mom told Ashlee of the news. Ashlee could not hold back the tears so they wanted to know what happened. She told them the best she could about what happened.

That night Tanner tearfully refused to go to bed without his little brother Cooper (who is only a little older than Bennett). Ashlee said when she walked in that room with her 3 boys lovingly sleeping together she was overwhelmed with love for her little family. Her boys learned a sweet lesson from Bennett. Hold on tight to the ones you love and be kind! I sure have been holding Caleb a bit tighter and longer.

I have a feeling that baby Bennett's life will influence more people than I can imagine. My fervent prayer is that the Wilkinson family will be enveloped by the comforter through this adversity.

I am so incredibly grateful for the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. There is a tender reunion in store for this beloved family. We love you Mandy!

Dark Tunnel

2011-01-14T16:33:00.002-07:00

This picture was from a Thanksgiving hike we did in Vegas. I wanted to post it cause I think he's so cute. Since then, every time we go into a dark place Caleb says "dark tunnel" in such a cute way. He loved that hike.

I'm doing much better this week. The past weekend was rough but things are getting better. I'm hanging in there and trying to get geared up for trying again...ugh (so sick of strips, pregnancy tests, doctors visits, all of it).

Thank you all for your words. We are so so blessed. My life is richer for knowing you.

One of the suckiest parts of this miscarriage is that I was left with 10+ extra poundage...ugh. I can't blame it all on the pregnancy because I ate like an absolute pig over the holidays, but I've never gained that much in any given time unless I was pregnant. I've gotten rid of about 4 pounds, but still plugging away. It's just another reminder.

I have always been really good about working out for most my life, but I haven't had a gym pass since being on my parents gym membership years and years ago. After this past miscarriage I wanted a change. I decided to join a gym and it's been SO GOOD for me mentally. I am LOVING it! Caleb has ended up loving kids club and asks about it every day. I think it's been a great distraction and that is what I was hoping for! How have I motivated myself to work out every day all these years without a gym pass? I'm having a lot of fun, and it's nice to have a set class every morning that we have to get out and do. Best part about it is that kids club is included in the membership, so I'm paying a total of $34 a month for pass/child care. I'm usually too cheap to pay for a membership, but for me right now it's been a life saver! YAY for gyms, and hopefully it will help me to get my weight back down!

I'm feeling happy and hopeful again. I'm sure there will be rough days ahead, but I think I'm over the darkest part! I love you all more than you know!

Cutest Little Guy On The Hill!

2011-01-07T21:26:00.006-07:00

Never Had More Faith Been Had

2011-01-03T20:02:00.004-07:00

I have been angry, hurt, devastated and bitter. I have felt faithless, abandoned, and alone. I was so sure this was it. I had a sweet assurance when I found out I was pregnant this time around. I have never been more excited for Christmas because this year I would be able to give a gift to my parents telling them that all the fervent prayers to have another baby were finally answered. It was wrapped and ready to be given on Christmas Eve. Then I started bleeding...

I wont go into detail, but I was crushed. I was so incredibly devastated. This time around was much more difficult then the first one because I was so sure this was it. I also think it was more difficult because I have a greater understanding of the road ahead. This is now my 3rd miscarriage in a row. I will never forget bawling on the phone to my sweet sister saying "I can't do this again, I can't keep doing this, what is wrong with me?".

I have been disappointed in how I have responded to this miscarriage. I am generally a very faithful person, but I haven't been. I feel guilty with how I've reacted, but I knew I would eventually come around.

Lately my prayers have been distant and lacking sincerity but today while putting Caleb down for a nap I prayed that my heart would be softened and that I would know He was there.

This prayer was answered right before logging into my blog to write a post about my frustration and pain. I noticed a blog post on my blog roll with the title "Never Had More Faith Been Had". This is a girl who lost her son to Pertussis exactly a year ago. I started following her blog when they were battling to keep their son alive. She is a remarkable woman and has inspired me so many times. It felt as if the post she wrote today was written for me. The Lord spoke to my heart. I wept as I read her words. Thank you Natalie for being the means of softening my heart and allowing Heavenly Father to wrap his arms around me to let me know he loves me and that he KNOWS.

I will trust in his will.

"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10

Biking At The Zoo:-)

2010-12-06T09:02:00.007-07:00

We had a blast at the zoo on Saturday. NO ONE was there. We brought Caleb's bike to give him an area where he could really ride. He rode the bike the entire time to each exhibit! It was so stinkin cute to see him scooting along! It got me excited to get him skiing over Christmas! Hopefully the balance will transfer to skiing too!

Orthopaedic Surgeon In Training!

2010-12-03T20:37:00.004-07:00

While I was finishing up dinner dishes this is what Dan and Caleb were doing. Caleb is fascinated with Dan's Orthopaedic surgery text books. I often find Caleb flipping through them on his own. This picture is a GROSS open fracture. Caleb says "owie" whenever he sees these kinds of pictures, and when he sees the pictures of the bones with screws in them he says "fixin it". Yes, this is serious business that requires a helmet! (not really, he was just riding his bike around the house:-).

Happy December and Merry Christmas to all!

Three Best Things:

1. I have always LOVED cinnamon roasted almonds. Whenever I go to Trader Joes or Sunflower market I am always tempted to buy them. However, they are almost 7 dollars a pound...yikes. Yesterday I found THIS recipe and made it today...can I say HAPPY DAY!

2. Eats on Feets. I have heard about this new program mentioned quite a few times on blogs I follow etc. but checked the actual site yesterday for the first time because there are a couple of people I love that have been struggling with supply issues. It is absolutely AMAZING. What a cool initiative to help women help each other to give babies the blessing of breast milk! Obviously if I have supply issues next time I would want to have a detailed medical history of the women I would receive donations from, but how cool is this? Plus instead of buying formula to supplement you can get breast milk for FREE! Breast milk from a bank costs around $5 an ounce...that is crazy, plus they pasteurize it which takes away a lot of the benefits of breast milk. If you know your donor is healthy, what a blessing this could be. I'm so so excited about it and am going to email a few friends who are currently adopting about it! If I can overproduce next baby I will definitely enroll in this program to donate. I haven't been this excited about something in quite a while.

Along with this I am posting an article that touched me deeply. Read HERE and see the power of many mothers love!

3. Caleb's laugh. There is no sweeter sound. He has such a cute grown up laugh. He seems to laugh more and more the older he gets. I love it!

When I Leave These Two Alone

2010-11-19T20:04:00.006-07:00

I went to the temple tonight and when I got home this is what I found;

Notice the rubber band on his head? Classic!

Dan actually drilled into his Tonka Truck to make this work. Yes, that would be a remote control car pulling Caleb! I'll tell you what, The Hoopes boys sure know how to play with their kids. It's something I LOVE about Dan's family.

This is just a random picture added on. Last night when Caleb had finished most his food I gave him a cookie. Normally he would definitely choose the cookie over his broccoli, but we took a picture as proof that he chose his broccoli over the cookie. This kid is such a great eater. Yeah he likes junk food just like any other kid, but he also loves healthy food which is such a blessing.

Night Night Mommy

2010-11-18T20:41:00.002-07:00

Just one of those days.

Anyone who has struggled with infertility knows what I mean by the above statement. Some days can be pretty tough. Today was one of those days for me. I'm not exactly sure why because I have been doing pretty good keeping myself in a peaceful place.

Today I have been emailing a woman (who is about to do her 6th IVF cycle...poor thing) back and forth about buying fertility meds. This is probably what contributed to how I am feeling. I'm so sick of finding meds online over and over and over again. It's such a reminder of what's going on. There is so much money being spent and not knowing how long this is going to go on is sometimes overwhelming.

I have actually "met" some incredible women that I have bought meds from over the past year and a half. It's amazing the connection you feel with other mamas just wanting to get their babies here yet struggling so much in the process.

I had a conversation with Caleb's pediatrician at his 2 year appointment about infertility. She found out about my miscarriage and has known about our struggles to conceive. She too has been through the emotional turmoil of not being able to get pregnant and made a statement "I would not wish infertility upon my worst enemy". No kidding.

Tonight these feelings were washed away when Dan turned on Caleb's intercom while putting him to bed and I heard the tender words spoken into the intercom "night night mommy".

With all of this going on I feel so blessed I know what it's like to be called mother.

I love you my son more than you could ever know.

Wow!

2010-11-13T16:43:00.003-07:00

Ashlee(how cute are her rosy cheeks?), Bri, Jami

We finally got a scanner so I went through lots of pictures today. HOLY CRAP, it sure brought back so many memories and emotions. I have a ton to write about. I'm wanting to write about significant things that have happened throughout my life and get lots of the pictures scanned in so we have record of it. Wish me luck!

We're Off To See The Wizard!

2010-10-31T21:35:00.009-06:00

Gracie was mortified when I put this on her tonight. She walked around all subdued and depressed. It was hilarious. I got it at Target last year for under 3 bucks.

Caleb absolutely adores Owls. He had to go hug this guy.

Here is our dear neighbor. It was the first house we went to!

Yes, we are evil. We went trick or treating on Sunday and I have absolutely no guilt about it :-). We didn't go to very many houses, mainly just our neighbors we know. With just the few houses we went to, we ended up with 4 full sized candy bars...crazy.

A few things I learned this Halloween:

1. It's cool to hand out play dough.

2. When I was a kid I always felt so bad for the kids that had to give their candy to their parents when they got home. I have become one of those evil parents that will limit my child's sugar intake every Halloween. Mean mommy.

3. We have a rad neighborhood!

Happy Halloween!

More On Caleb!

2010-10-20T19:54:00.006-06:00

Here is a list of things I want to remember about this incredible little person!

Whenever Caleb gets hurt he will kiss his "owies" and then say "all better". He also will kiss our owies.

Lately several times a day he will say "logi (Logan), Lissa (Alyssa), Amber, Kyle (Carl)" like three times in a row. How he says it is too cute.

Caleb has been WAY better about folding his arms during prayers. Sometimes out of the blue he will say "arms, arms". When I first heard him say this I had no idea what he was talking about. Finally realized he was wanting to say prayers. There have been several times where we have said more than one prayer over the food throughout dinner.

He LOVES thunder and lightning. He knows the difference between the two. He often chooses to call thunder "Da boom boom".

When I change his poopy diaper, he says "Woooo weeeee poops"

Caleb says night night, and bye bye to EVERYTHING. Tonight he said "night night boom boom" (because it was stormy outside). Last night when we were riding his bike outside he said "night night moon, night night stars". When we flush his poo down the toilet he says "bye bye poops". He will also say bye bye_____to whatever he is eating and wave to his mouth.

Monday night for family home evening we had Carl and Amber over for dinner and then watched "How to Train Your Dragon" (it is SO CUTE by the way). Caleb LOVED it. There is a part in the movie where a tiny dragon is teasing the big dragon and the big one blew a puff of fire into the small ones mouth. The little dragon scurried away to the kid to cuddle under his hand. Caleb started to really cry and said "owie dragon". We had to comfort him and say he was OK. It was so cute and made me realize how much this little guy is growing up. This little person is learning empathy! A trait I deeply value. Granted, he missed his nap on Sunday (cause we have the lamest church time EVER now) so he was extra sensitive that night, but still.

Dan has come out from putting Caleb to bed for the last few nights asking me what Caleb means when he repeats "Got, got" over and over again in a pleading voice. I told him I had no idea what he was trying to tell us. Finally we realized what it was. When I put Caleb to bed I sing "I am a Child of God" every night. Dan sings Caleb different songs, but Caleb wanted to hear "I am a child of God" and that is what he was wanting.

I sure love this little guy!

Dan found this pic on his laptop. This is a bunch of the old fixtures we had in our house. Aren't they lovely...lol? You gotta blow to picture up so you can see them in all their glory. And the big green thing on the top shelf was above each of the windows....yikes.

I have been TURBO with the blog posts today! Make sure you read below. I have posted 5 blogs today! WOOT!

Kitchen And Main Room!

2010-10-20T17:57:00.000-06:00

Before reading further you must watch this video first. I wish it showed how hideous the fixtures were. This is the video we took when we were looking to buy. Look how horrible our backyard was. We will add pics when we are completely done with our backyard...it's all a work in progress:-).

I love owning a home. The more work we put into it the more we love it. Not just cause of the changes, but because we have put so much time and effort into it. I know I would not love it as much if we paid someone else to do it.

Ok, so I really wish I had a good camera. The pictures are horrible. I guess you will just have to come over to see what they really look like:-). I worked my tail off though. It took me working pretty much every day for a couple of weeks. It was totally worth it. I despised our cabinets, but this has updated it big time. I wish the pics turned out better because the knobs aren't really showing up.

I didn't talk about it in the video, but we re-did all the the light fixtures in the whole house. The old ones were these really tacky southwestern fixtures. They were hideous. That was one of the first updates we did when we moved in and it made a big difference.

I have had a blast doing updates the last month. Having my mom here inspired me to get it all done. Painting the kitchen wasn't very fun day after day, but the result was completely worth it. Poor Caleb was pretty patient. We are doing fun stuff this week to make up for him being house bound for too long.

The best part of all our updates is the fact that we have done it pretty dang cheap. It's amazing what a can of paint can do for a home!

We are planning on doing something fun in Caleb's playroom!

I love our little home!

Ride Da Bike!

2010-10-20T15:35:00.002-06:00

I love this video. This is Caleb's early Christmas present! All the online balance bikes cost around $100+. I subscribe to an email list of great deals going on and this little guy cost $29 at Wal-Mart! We couldn't wait to give it to him, so he got it early. He loves it and often says "ride da bike". Last night was the first time he was actually trying to lift his legs and we were so excited! Our goal is to get this kid on a real two wheeler before he turns 3. He is so stinkin cute on this thing.

Notice the seat pack on the front of the bike. Caleb tries to carry toys and ride at the same time which obviously isn't very effective. We put a seat pack on front of his handlebars so he can carry his toys in it. He loves it. Also notice him saying "HUGE" towards the end of the video...so cute!

Caleb's nursery

2010-10-20T14:40:00.000-06:00

This is the other project my mom and I did. It turned out pretty cute! His room was really just blah before, so I love what the stripes and painting all four walls did to it!

Master Bedroom!

2010-10-20T13:51:00.011-06:00

Here are pics and video of what we've (as in my mom and I) been up to in the master bedroom! I LOVE how it turned out! Our whole marriage we have always had an absolutely ghetto master bedroom. Mismatched furniture, and never any decorating. The pics or video don't do the room justice. I love waking up in a beautiful space. Thanks mom for helping me! Couldn't have done it without you!

P.S. WE GOT NEW CARPET! It has made such a huge difference. I love it. It's so clean and nice to know there is no nastiness anymore from previous owners!

I really wish I took a before picture. The cabinets were so ugly. This isn't a very good pic, but painting these cabinets has made such a HUGE difference! It's what gave us the idea of doing our kitchen!

1-2-3!!!

2010-10-14T07:53:00.002-06:00

What I AM!

2010-10-11T20:27:00.005-06:00

I can't even begin to say how much I LOVE this video/song. It is so cute and Caleb loves it. When it finishes playing he signs/says "more more song" every time. I pray with all my heart that I can raise a boy who knows what he is! ENJOY!

I just showed this video to Dan and he has already played it like 5 times. I guess we are never too old:-).

McCall's Pumpkin Patch!

2010-10-09T21:32:00.005-06:00

I just added this one to all the others on Sunday. It's so cute and I'm not sure how I forgot to add it when I wrote yesterday. This slide was such a BLAST!

Caleb and buddy Logan playing in the corn.

This play area was so cute. The kids LOVED it and could have spent all day in there. I thought using corn was such a cute idea!

Playing in the corn box was the last activity we did. Can you see how filthy Caleb was? It was a very fun and dirty day.

I never get sick of this kids smile.

This slide is dug into a steep dirt hill. It's pretty long, and goes pretty fast. It was a blast. Caleb was really nervous the first time I took him up there, but when I looked at his face while going down I knew he loved it. When we got to the bottom he would sign more, and say "more more" every time. He was going by himself after that and would laugh the whole way down EVERY time. It was by far my favorite part of the patch. I wish Dan was with us because I know he would have loved doing it with Caleb. (I would recommend blowing up the picture to see how cute the little guy is).

A tractor took us on a pretty long hay ride to the field where the kids got to pick out their pumpkins. Caleb loves tractors!

The little guy picking out his pumpkin!

Taking pics and Caleb was obviously not happy about it. I love this cry face.

He is getting so grown up. Oh how I love this boy.

There were so many cute places to take pics. It made me want to get a good camera so bad....or have Shantay with me as a constant photographer;-).

Here we are on the way home absolutely dirty and HAPPY! (notice how messy his hair is...nice).

Wow, have I been horrible with my blog. It's a bummer because I know I am missing a lot of things that I will want to remember. I really need to be better about it and I'm going to try.

Caleb:

Dan has had the last several weekends off and it's been WONDERFUL! Lately every time Dan is home Caleb says "Daddy's hooome" multiple times throughout the day. It is so cute yet so sad that he says it in a way of surprise and excitement that Dad is actually home!

He now says "It's big, it's HUUUGE" about anything and everything.

When he sees a bug, baby, little anything, small dog etc. he gets a cute little voice and says "ohhhhh, baby, ohhhh". It's super cute.

He loves the leapfrog "Letter Factory" and "Lets Go to School" DVD's.

He calls all tools "fix it". We love it.

When he sees something that we worked on he says "mommy, or daddy fix it".

He is such a fun little guy. I am loving this age. He is finally somewhat listening. He is saying a ton of words and it's awesome knowing what's going on in that little head of his. I can't get enough of him...most the time:-).

Three Best Things:

1. On Tuesday night for young womens we went on a hike in the evening to a spot that overlooked the valley. One of our leaders was dressed as Moroni (the last prophet in the Book of Mormon) and did such an amazing job speaking as if he were Moroni. It was very moving. Buried were Books of Mormon in a gold bag with each of the girls names. The girls were given a challenge to read the whole Book of Mormon in 70 days. I pray the girls take the challenge. Dan and I both have committed to the challenge along with the girls. It will be awesome and challenging to do this with Dan. There is so much power in the Book of Mormon. I myself gained my testimony of the Book of Mormon when I read it in a very short period of time so I hope the girls have a similar experience with reading it so quickly. Our young women are AWESOME!

2. Home improvements. My mom came home with me after my visit to Utah and we were busy painting Caleb's room and painting/decorating our master bedroom. I LOVE the changes we have made! We also got new carpet which has been SO NICE! I am currently painting all my cabinets in my kitchen! So big changes are happening and I love our home! We are planning on reposting the video we took of the house when we were looking to buy it and then a video of what it looks like now. It will be fun to share the difference!

3. Our ward. We went to this cute pumpkin patch with a bunch of moms in the ward. There are such amazing girls. We feel very blessed to be here and have such a wonderful support system while we are far away from family. I'm so glad we chose to live where we live. It's cool to see all the blessings that began when we met that guy in Taco Bell!

Life is good. We are plugging along still hoping for our baby to come. We have had a few hiccups, but I will be back on clomid Monday! I'm in a good place feeling more calm about it all because I realized I have absolutely no control of when it happens. I'm just trying to savor the time I have with my precious son and know I will cherish the extra time I had with him when our next one comes along. I sure am baby hungry though. I've been watching Caleb's baby videos lately and it makes my heart ache for a little. We are very hopeful and excited about growing our family. WISH US LUCK!!!!!!! Much love to all,

Bri, Dan, and lovey Caleb!

This Boy Loves His Baba

2010-09-05T22:21:00.006-06:00

I love these two guys!

Baba went over to pee by the side of the shack and Caleb was going to observe. Dad got mad at me for taking a pic:-).

Caleb making a silly face

These two really are one of a kind. Caleb worships his Baba. They are so stinkin cute together.

Sweet little man.

Perfect Day!

2010-08-08T21:46:00.012-06:00

At the top!

Dan pretty much worked every weekend in the month of July so Saturday was a much needed day. We woke up and rode Sandia Crest as a family. Last time I did this ride I bonked towards the end and thought I was going to die. This time I was good about drinking water and I ate a couple of snacks on the way up to keep my energy up. I felt SO MUCH better this time around. It was such a blast. I even ended up finishing at the top a few minutes ahead of Dan and Caleb! First time EVER that I have gotten to the top ahead of Dan. I was so excited. Although, as you can see below, Dan was carrying quite the load. I can still pretend I'm fast though right:-)?

Here we are before the ride started. He looks so big...

We got home around 12 and put the boy down for a nap. Then we went swimming with some great friends and had a blast. I'm so grateful for such great girls here in NM.

Look at the view in the background of this pic. The ride ends up around 10,600 ft.

We watched "Invitus" after Caleb went to bed. Very cool story. It was a great day and very much needed.

Our nasty sweaty selves at the top.

Three Best Things:

1. Cycling. Oh how I love to ride my bike. It is such a great sport. I loved being up in the mountains among the pines and aspens. It was a beautiful ride and I'm just grateful Dan is strong enough to pull Caleb up so we can enjoy it as a family!

2. My new calling! I just got called to be the young womens miamaid adviser! I have never worked in the YW and am really excited to be in there. It will be a lot of work but it should be a blast. We have such great youth in our ward which makes it even more rewarding!

3. These baked beans. Oh my, they are delicious. I really wish they didn't call for pork N beans because we are trying to cut high fructose corn syrup completely out of our diet, but I have to say these are worth the splurge! I used a spicy BBQ sauce that is really yummy. If you have a mild BBQ sauce, I would add jalapeno like she recommends. Thanks Mandy for the link to these!

I love the old man look of the towel around the waist. So cute.

How cute are these two boys? This is how they have walked to nursery the last two Sundays. They are so cute. I just found out today that Logan is going to be moved into the older nursery and I'm SO BUMMED they will be separated during church...lame.

My two love buckets. Caleb is such a little stud in the water. He is getting more and more confident!

I Go Swimming!

2010-07-17T21:23:00.008-06:00

I really should not be posting a blog right now because I should be packing but we had such a blast swimming I had to get it up before I leave for Vegas tomorrow!

Look at these cute boys. I love how Logan is holding Caleb's arm.

Smith Family! Amber is 25 weeks pregnant and she is TINY.

Again holding hands!

I have the shots of Logan on this video too. The kid is an athletic prodigy. He is only 4 months older than Caleb and can do ANYTHING. Such a little stud.

We were so proud of Caleb today. He was so brave. It's so helpful to have Logan show him the ropes.

Well, I'm off to Vegas tomorrow to drop Caleb off at Ashlee's and then I will be heading up to St. George to do half a shift at my old job Second Nature. Can't wait to play in the wilderness for 5 days! THANK YOU ASHLEE! I'm pretty nervous to leave Caleb because I know I'm going to miss him like crazy, but I'm super excited to be able to go back to something I loved so much for 5 days. I am stoked to sleep under the stars in my hammock and work with the kids!

Caleb Turns 2!

2010-07-14T14:08:00.015-06:00

Who is the biggest birthday boy!?!?!

Logan and Caleb. Such cute boys.

Reading Maga's card to the boy.

He got 2 skippyjonjones books from Maga!

Caleb with his buddies!

I gave him a huge piece of carrot cake and he ate the WHOLE thing! A big improvement from last year when he wouldn't touch it.

Playing with the birthday present we got him last year!

I got this for Caleb because he has been obsessed with cookie monster for months now. Whenever I would even say "cookie monster" or he would see cookie monster in his books he would crack up. I have been super excited to give him this for a couple of weeks now, but his excitement for the guy has lessened so when his b-day rolled around I wasn't expecting much of a reaction. This is pretty cute and he still loves cookie monster, but I wish you all could see his past reactions. Regardless, he loves his cookie monster and now sleeps with him.

I love when he cracks up at Allysa.

Oh my baby boy, you are the JOY of our lives! Your birth was the best thing that ever happened to your Dad and I. We love you more than you could ever know!

Surfing Caleb!

2010-07-12T07:00:00.001-06:00

Finally I got this uploaded!

Love you...Paco!

2010-07-11T22:00:00.000-06:00

Since getting back from Powell, we have been going over all the names of cousins, aunts, and uncles who were there like this on a daily basis. I think this is so cute. At Powell whenever we asked Caleb to say Cooper he would say Paco. I laugh every time he says it, so now I think he is saying Paco on purpose. I think it's such a funny nick name. There's a good chance it's going to stick!

Lake Powell 2010!

2010-07-11T21:00:00.003-06:00

Lake Powell was a blast this year, although the weather could have been better. We only got a couple of really great days jammed with lots of playing. The rest of the days were super windy. Oh well, I guess we will have to give it another try in OCTOBER!!!

Maga with Yzzy, Caleb, and Taggert.

Because of the windy days we did A LOT of reading. Here's Tanner reading to Caleb. He is such a neat kid.

I love how Caleb is looking at Tanner thinking how cool he is.

Taggert reading to Caleb and Cooper (Paco).

I hunkered down with all the little kids in the bottom bedroom to keep an eye on all the kids during a huge wind burst. There were a couple of storms that were a little freaky.

Caleb, Lukey, and Cooper (Paco) in the porta-crib during the storm. They played together in this thing during the storm for almost an hour.

These boys are so dang cute. Cooper is the sweetest little guy. I love how Cooper is crossing his leg in the picture below.

And no, I did not make them both put their fingers in their mouth. So cute.

Boys acting silly!

Tanner with his girlfriend Shleby, who we LOVE! Not sure why they are pouting...

Lukey wearing my sunglasses worn out from the sun and playing.

Bonfire

This is what the little kids did when the "big kids" played a game of wiffle ball.

Caleb with his Baba! He LOVES his Maga and Baba. Every time we walk by a picture in the house of either my mom or dad he will point excitedly and say "Baba", or "Maga".

Making sure the boat is secure.

Reading with Maga.

I have been trying to post about Lake Powell for a long time now. Our internet is so crappy that it is a HUGE hassle to upload pictures. It has taken multiple tries to get them up. I have also been trying to upload a video of me surfing with Caleb, but have given up. It's SO FRUSTRATING. It has made us consider getting real internet.

Since it has taken so long to finally get this post done, I don't have much to say, but there is one experience I do want to share from the trip.

My nephew Tanner (age 6) would get really nervous during the big storms (one of which broke one of our knots and beached our houseboat). During one of the storms, all the little kids were in the bedroom below. I was the one keeping an eye on them. I would go back and forth checking on them.

I was heading back to check on them, when I saw Tanner run down into the bedroom. I stopped at the door because of what tanner said as he leaped onto the bed (next to the porta crib with the babies and Lukey (age 4) "Hey guys, we are going to say a prayer".

Immediately Lukey bows his head and folds his arms no questions asked as his big brother offers a prayer of safety and protection. It was one of the sweetest things I've witnessed. Tanner is such a faithful boy, and it was inspiring to see a little boy go to the one who is the ultimate protector.

I'm so grateful I was able to see the faith of a child in action. I am so grateful that my children get to be raised with faithful cousins. I think the sweetest part of all though was seeing Lukey's absolute trust and faith in his big brother. That room was filled with the spirit of children, and I got to get a peek into the sweetness of it all!

I want to thank my parents for making it possible to do this trip every year. Yes, the weather wasn't great, yes we dealt with grouchy kids, but there is no where I would rather be than with my family. We are so blessed and I can't wait to do it again in October!!!

The whole crew!

My sister Ashlee put this video together of our trip. I stole it off her blog because it really portrays what went on during our trip. Thanks Ash for putting this together. I love it. Hope you don't mind I'm using it too!

P.S. The first adult skier you see right after the dancing on the houseboat is my pregnant sister (23 weeks) and she ROCKS! The third skier (of the big people) is my dad! I don't know another old man that can ski like my dad (or young guy for that matter)!

Monkey Buns

2010-07-10T23:02:00.005-06:00

There was a giveaway going on for GroVia diapers, so I took this picture of Caleb in his GroVia. I went inside to upload the picture to their site and when I came back out I found this...

What a little monkey. See that dirt clod in his hand? It ended up thrown onto my foot. The boy loves to throw EVERYTHING. We are working on minimizing that right now.

Picasso

2010-07-10T20:13:00.003-06:00

We found Caleb using his sidewalk chalk inside. Notice Gracie's water bowl is pink. He decided to get the chalk good and wet before writing on the wall.

There's No Butts About It...

2010-06-25T15:30:00.002-06:00

That I need to post about Powell. Post coming soon. Meanwhile, I will leave you with these cute little cheekies.

Happy Fathers Day!

2010-06-20T19:50:00.004-06:00

My Dad with all the grand kids minus Cole. Boy do these kids love their Baba!

Anyone who truly knows my dad knows how incredibly blessed I am to have been raised by such a man. He is a man of integrity, passion, and power. I adore him with all my heart.

I was able to get a blessing from my Dad while at Lake Powell in regards to our desire to add to our family. There is definitely power in them hands! I love you Dad, you have a place in my heart that is yours only! Hopefully you will be getting another grand baby from us SOON!

LOVE THESE!

2010-05-31T18:05:00.006-06:00

Dan helped me figure out how to shrink the pics! Posting blogs will be so much easier from now on! I'm stoked. ENJOY!

My Little Lover!

2010-05-31T14:24:00.004-06:00

Here are the pics Shantay took! The video made them a much lower quality, but uploading them individually would have taken FOREVER. Let me know if there are specific ones that are your favorites. I'm planning on sending in 6 to a cover contest to win the camera I want!

I will upload some of my favorites so you can click on them to make them bigger. I just need to figure out how to shrink the pics so blogger can do it. Man am I in love with this little guy! Shantay, you did such a great job. I'm waiting for Dan to get home to choose his favorites so we can head to Costco to print them! I have some serious picture updating to do in the house and these are PERFECT!

Wish List!

2010-05-26T21:51:00.012-06:00

Chevy Traverse. We still haven't found something we like better than this.

I heart Bob strollers!

Birthing Pool!

We actually are currently saving for this!!!

Baby Ergo Carrier!

These are freaken awesome if you can justify spending over $400 for a blender...yikes.

Dan and I got a kitchen aid as a wedding gift and we took it back....I can't believe we took it back. I really would love one of these babies.

Would love this to hike with the boy!

Our goal is to get Caleb riding a two wheeler before he turns 3!

This is definitely just a wish list...Someday, someday!

Inspiration

2010-05-26T13:18:00.004-06:00

I just finished reading this talk by Elder Holland. It is remarkable. Thank you Traci for sending me this link. I cannot believe the incredible trials my baby's namesake experienced in Liberty Jail. This is a talk I will cherish all my days. It is applicable to all of us. AMAZING!

Couldn't Wait!

2010-05-25T17:03:00.004-06:00

Here are three more of the pics that Shantay posted on her facebook. I couldn't wait to post them with the rest so here they are! These are for you Ashlee!

I LOVE this one. He looks so dang cute.

Little monkey was being a stinker. He was WAY too distracted to smile:-).

Guess how long he sat on this bench for? Let's just say this was probably the only pic she got of him on the bench. The kid was TURBO!

Sneak Peek!

2010-05-25T13:15:00.003-06:00

Shantay, a friend of mine did some pictures of Caleb last week. Here is one of them! I can't wait to see the rest! Thank you Shantay, you are an absolute SWEETHEART!

P.S. Is he not delicious???

Patience

2010-05-23T16:11:00.005-06:00

Today our lesson in Relief Society was on patience. Something I have been really struggling with lately. I needed this lesson. It reminded me that I'm not alone and that Heavenly Father is trying to teach me something. I feel guilty when I sometimes become angry as the months pass. I know I am not alone but sometimes I feel very disconnected. Today I felt he was reassuring me and letting me know he is mindful of us right now. It's the Lords timing and I need to remember that. I just hope I learn what I'm supposed to learn soon because I really don't want to keep doing this. Doesn't help that I would be due next week.

I am such a whiner I know. I feel like I have written far too many posts about this. Today the lesson talked about how we can be purified through being patient in waiting for the prayers of our hearts to be answered. There are times when I feel I am being patient, but then there are times when I am failing miserably. I pray I can allow myself to be purified through this process...

Then I remember this guy. He keeps things in perspective. He brings joy into my life every day. At least I have him to love on. Yes, this time around has been much harder because I now know what it means to be a mother, but I am so grateful that he has been the one to make it harder! Oh how I love this little boy.

The face of a boy discovering bubbles!
(It's definitely worth clicking on the pic so you can see it better)

Three Best Things:

1. Today's lesson. Boy did I need it. Thank you Hayley for all your preparation.

2. Caleb was so good in church today! My definition of good is very different than most peoples. He was still busy busy and might have appeared to be a handful, but to me he was a dream. He was happy the whole time. It helped that there was a cute little boy sitting next to him who is quite a bit older. He kept Caleb pretty entertained.

3. Dan is finally done with night float!!!

Random Thoughts

2010-05-03T21:24:00.002-06:00

Caleb is finally talking!

We went to the fertility specialist last week and have a game plan. It feels good to be proactive and actually feel like we are doing something. I REALLY hope we just get pregnant this next cycle (which should be any day now) naturally, but if not I will be getting on Clomid and we will do IUI our next cycle which will increase our chances (and decrease our savings) dramatically. Wish us luck!

Also, thanks to all of you who recommended the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". It's awesome!

I'm grateful for a sister in law I can vent to about our infertility woes. She has been a sounding board for all of the heartache and frustrations I have experienced these last months. You have been a BLESSING!

If I had not miscarried I would be due at the end of this month...blah.

Dan is still on night float. I enjoyed it for the first bit because I've been able to do a lot of reading/research. It's getting really old really fast though.

We've gotten pretty dang lucky at some garage sales we've gone to the last couple of Saturdays. We went to one on the way to a hike we did on Saturday. It randomly ended up being the house of an Ortho attending Dan works with. We will make a few hundred bucks off the stuff we got there! I might have found a new hobby:-).

I have also found great kids books at the garage sales. Have I mentioned I love kids books?

I'm hoping with the above mentioned hobby we will be able to save enough money to buy a nice SLR camera. I figured we would wait until we were done with residency to get a nice camera, but we now realize we would miss a lot if we wait too much longer. We plan to set aside cash in an envelope when we sell stuff etc. Our camera fund! Donations are welcome;-).

Caleb is absolutely rotten at church. Boy he can be a stinker.

I received a beautiful quilt from an amazing woman! It was an absolute love gift that meant the world to me. Every time I look at it hanging on my wall my heart smiles. I love you Emily (she is the nurse for Second Nature Entrada). The crazy thing is I commented on her blog about how much I loved the quilt she posted about and she emailed me later saying she had been making it for me all along! The timing was all too perfect. I really needed her tender words.

"Insanity" is an awesome workout. I love it. Shaun T. is WAY COOLER than Tony Horton. He's kind of fun to look at too;-). I love working out. I wish I had the same dedication to controlling portion size as I do to working out. Now THAT would be an accomplishment.

I'm really excited to have chickens one day.

I just keep writing random things waiting for the pictures to upload. Our connection sucks. I guess I can't complain too much since we don't pay for internet.

Have any of you had the strong desire to just be able to crawl in your baby's crib and cuddle with them? Well, I finally succumbed to that desire hoping I wouldn't break the crib as I got in. I'm not gonna lie, I have actually done it a few times since. I guess cribs are a lot stronger than I thought and there is nothing better than cuddles from baby boys.

Lastly, hopefully I will have another little boy (or girl, but I doubt it) that I can cuddle with SOON! I really think it's going to happen!

Unfortunately after all that waiting and randomness, my pictures have failed to upload. Hopefully I will get some up tomorrow. Goodnight and much love to ALL!

Little Miss Gracie

2010-04-28T21:07:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was CRAZY. I went on my normal run with Caleb and Gracie. There is a park about a mile away from my house. Once I get there I let Gracie off the leash and do laps around the park. Normally I do about 6 laps and then run back home but I was feeling pretty good yesterday so I wanted to add another 1/2 mile lap.

As I was starting the last lap there was a woman with 2 German Shepherds. I also noticed a police car that was pulling up to the park and thought maybe she called the cops because Gracie was not on a leash (I had one with me). She started yelling at me saying that Gracie had to be on a leash. I nicely responded by saying she would never hurt anything or anyone and she stays with me the whole time (she is an amazing running partner). The lady yelled back saying I needed to read the rules (I'm running this whole time away from her). At that point her dogs get away from her (she was getting them riled up cause she was yelling at us, and it looked like she almost let go on purpose). They immediately attacked Gracie.

One had Gracie by the throat and the other was tearing at her gut and hind legs. I started freaking out. I was kicking the dog that had Gracie by the neck trying to get him off. I was also screaming at the owner about letting the dogs go. It was AWFUL. We COULD NOT get the dogs off. They were vicious. I have never felt so helpless in all my life.

A few weeks ago a facebook friend posted about how she saw a woman walking out of a dog park sobbing while holding her dead dog. Her little Yorkie was killed by a pitt bull. I honestly thought I would be carrying Gracie home dead and it terrified me.

The cop came over and made a weak attempt to spray mace on the dogs. It did nothing because he didn't get it in their face. He got on his radio and I was pleading with him to do something. I asked him to try to mace the dog in the eyes close range so he would let go his grip on her neck. I screamed "They are going to kill my dog". I was hysterical.

I then look over because I hear Caleb sobbing and see that I did NOT put the brake on the stroller. His stroller had rolled about 100 feet away, then off the curb, and then tipped over in the parking lot. I sprinted over to him and saw that he was totally fine but he was freaked out.

At this point I hear a loud pop and look over. The cop finally tazed the dog on her neck! The dog let go and Gracie was able to get away from the other dog. She ran over to us and as she was running the other dog came over to attack her again. I had to sprint around trying to grab the stupid dogs leash and kept missing it as he was trying to go after Gracie. Finally I got him and some bystander guy helped me.

It was awful. I also felt so bad that Caleb had to see me so hysterical. I honestly thought we were going to have to watch her die right in front of us. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that if that cop had not been there Gracie would have died. They were in it for the kill and the woman got in serious trouble. The cops said animal control would be taking her dogs for a while to determine how aggressive they were and go from there. The woman had multiple punctures on both her hands and was bleeding everywhere.

Caleb calmed down really quick when he saw the cool fire truck, multiple police cars, ambulance, animal control, and all the big cool guys checking him out making sure he was OK. Not sure why they all came. Why the crap would a fire truck come?

Poor Gracie was so sore and could not sit down. She was acting herself though and was as sweet as ever. She was loving all the male attention she was getting from all the cops and firemen.

I was SO RELIEVED that she was OK. The cop car being there was an absolute tender mercy. Also the fact that Caleb did not get hurt falling over in the stroller was a blessing. Boy did I learn my lesson. ALWAYS put the brake on.

It was very traumatic for me. I can't even put into words the absolute terror I felt. I realized I am not good in emergency situations if it involves my family. I pretty much sucked in the situation. But I have now learned about what I SHOULD do if it were ever to happen again. Thanks Tanner for looking up that info. I would handle it very differently if there was ever a next time. That is why I believe it is so important to educate ourselves in all different areas because it gives confidence and the ability to do something instead of feeling completely helpless and experiencing the terror that comes with it. I'm still processing the situation and keep feeling anxious even when I don't think about it.

I was constantly thanking my Heavenly Father throughout the whole day for protecting us and little Gracie. I know some people think it's ridiculous to be so traumatized because it's just a dog, but we love Gracie. She is a part of this family. I also knew that Dan would be devastated.

Gracie is doing great. I gave her a bath to clean out her wounds to see if we would need to take her to the vet and was AMAZED at how minimal her injuries were. She is still sore but is fully acting like herself. I feel so blessed she is still with us. WE LOVE YOU GRACIE!

c jane enjoy it!!!

2010-04-23T20:09:00.003-06:00

I have been on pins and needles every day reading c jane's birth story. It's been driving me CRAZY that she wrote her story in 4 parts. Each day I would log on to find a post only to be left with suspense. Well, today she finally wrote her final part of the story and it was beautiful. While I don't think her birth choices are for everyone, I'm so excited she has shed some light on a very controversial subject. Way to go c jane!!!

Here are the links to her birth story. I LOVE how she writes.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Pimp Daddy!

2010-04-11T21:08:00.006-06:00

I thought he looked so cute at church today I had to snap a picture. Too bad he didn't act as cute as he looked. Boy was he a stinker today.

Dan started night float today for the next 5 weeks...blah. Dan has to be at the hospital by 5pm getting home the next day between 8-11am. It's every night except Friday and Saturday. Because Caleb is in bed by 7:30pm, I will have too much time on my hands. There will probably be a bunch of blog posts going up. This is his last night float rotation! After that he's on a hand rotation and then starts 3rd year!!! I honestly can't believe how fast it's already gone. Second year is considered the hardest and he's almost done! Way to go Dan! We will miss you these next 5 weeks.

The Perfect Day!

2010-04-08T21:00:00.008-06:00

Oh how I love my little family!

We are not supposed to be able to get to our giraffes but this one seemed very fond of us so he stretched as far as he could to be able to touch our hands. He was so cute. He especially loved Dan.

Caleb giving the lion kisses.

He really is just way too cute.

We went to Outback Steakhouse after the zoo to use some gift cards we have!

We were pooped when we got home so Dan reclined his seat in the car and here Caleb is cuddling with Daddy.

Here we are happily tired at the end of our perfect day (also taken in our car)!

Three Best Things:

1. That Caleb lets me work out in the mornings happily (most the time). He just plays and we will chat and smile at each other throughout the workout. This morning while I was doing pull ups, he got on the chair I was using (yes I use a chair, pull ups kill me) and every time I would come back down from pulling up he would pucker up to give kisses. He was such a doll this morning. He usually gives his kisses sparingly but today he was so lovey. It's days like today where I just want to pause our life. He was such a grouch yesterday but made up for it today 100 fold! I find myself panicked at times at how quickly he is growing. As I rock him to sleep I find myself just trying to hold on to my baby a little longer. I feel time slipping away all too quickly. He is not very baby anymore. While it's exciting to watch him grow I am not looking forward to the day where I no longer can rock him to sleep.

2. Dan surprised us by coming home today while Caleb was napping. I was already planning on making today a zoo day and was SO EXCITED we had Daddy with us. I really love my man!

3. Digital cameras. I'm SO GRATEFUL for digital cameras. I have taken a few hundred pictures just this month. It is so nice to not worry about wasting film. Technology today has made it so easy to document our lives and the lives of our children. What I would give to have that from my childhood.

4. Our zoo. I LOVE that I can read Caleb books and then he gets to see the animals he is learning about in real life. Lately when I tell Caleb we are going to go to the zoo he thumps his chest and makes a gorilla noise. Gorillas have been his favorite for a while now. I have just as much fun going to the zoo as Caleb does. I'm excited for Caleb to get old enough to do research on different animals he is excited about. Our zoo ROCKS!

5. Have to add just ONE more before I forget. I recently finished the book "A Thousand Splendid Suns". The first half of the book I was worried I would feel the same way I did when I read "Kite Runner". It was too dark and depressing. As I finished the book I absolutely adored "A Thousand Splendid Suns". It moved me deeply. I ordered it off audible for Dan because I wanted him to read it too. Such an amazing book. It truly is a treasure and is definitely among my favorite books. First of all I am so grateful I can read and secondly I'm so grateful for beautiful books, AND I am so grateful I live in a country where I am free. READ IT!

We are doing so great right now. Today was a fun day to spend as a family and reminded me of how blessed I am for my little family. It was nice to have this day with Dan before he starts another 5 weeks of night float on Sunday....blah.

Had to add this last picture. I took this after I finished working out this morning. I find him in here with her often. It's quite disgusting because he gets dog hair all over himself but it really is just too cute. He loves his Gracie.