Monday, December 16, 2013
We get a free Issaquah newspaper a couple times a week, and I find it annoying. We don't read it, and it ends up in the recycle. Such a waste of resources. Caleb loves it though. He gets so excited to get it and put it on Dan's desk thinking that Dad will be excited to read it.
Yesterday morning I got a knock on my door. It was my neighbor. She was ticked. She went on to tell me that Caleb has been stealing their newspaper a couple times a week. They finally found out who was doing it when they saw him run across the street. It all made sense why there were sometimes thick papers on Dan's desk. I. Was. Mortified. I apologized profusely. I headed upstairs to find Caleb. He was hiding under his bed and I'm pretty sure he heard the whole conversation.
We started talking about it, and he was shaking. I knew I didn't need to get mad because he was so embarrassed and feeling horrible already. I asked him why he did it. He was doing it for Dad. I asked him why it wasn't OK to take their paper, and he understood that it was because he was stealing. I knew he would not do it again, and went in to talk to Dan (who was still sleeping) about it.
Caleb was beside himself. He could not handle the emotion he was feeling. He was running around hiding in our closet, then coming out, going into our bathroom, roaming. We kept trying to calm him down so we could talk. He could not sit. He was devastated. Dan finally forced him to come into bed with us. He had to physically pick him up (while Caleb resisted and squirmed to get away) and bring him into our bed. We kept telling him that it would be OK. He made a mistake, but he can be better. We went on to share times where we made mistakes as children. He finally calmed down, but was visibly shaken from the experience.
The lesson in YW later that day was on how to create a Christ centered home. The teacher handed out scripture verses for each of us to read. The one I was given was not by chance. I knew it the second I read it.
And we atalk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we bprophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our cchildren may know to what source they may look for a dremission of their sins.
I felt strongly that I needed to share the experience of that morning. Especially the part about how he was so devastated and how he was hiding. My heart was sad, yet filled with the spirit. My prayer and probably one of the greatest hopes of my heart is that my children will know as to what source to look to for a remission of their sins. My hope is that my sweet son will not allow the pain and anguish to overtake him and force him into hiding.
This was one of my favorite and most used verses on my mission. Little did I know the impact it would have on me on a certain Sunday morning in the future.
God spoke to my heart. I am so grateful for the atonement. I am so grateful that through Christ, we can stand tall and be forgiven. We do not have to hide. I am grateful that I was given this message today, and I pray that we were able to teach this to our son. This was such a great reminder during this time of year when we get to celebrate His birth. God is good.
Update: Dan posted a comment that I want on this post because I thought it was so dear. Love the man who is the father of my babies!
Dan: Caleb experiences things very deeply. I don't think I remember having the kind of understanding of guilt and repentance that he has gained. Even though these kind of experiences are hard, they're nowhere near as hard as if we have to learn them when we're older and the stakes are much higher.
Thanks, Bri, for capturing the feeling of the morning and the anguish he was going through while he came to grips with the fact that even though you are doing something with good intentions, it can still be wrong. Like you said, I hope we aren't too hard on him and that the teachings of Christ and repentance overpower the Enemy's teachings of hiding, secrecy, and shame. I hope that when I come to the great and last day that I remember it also and don't try to hide in closets, bathrooms and laundry hampers, just because I can't bear the sight of a Father that I think is disappointed in me. He loves us and just wants to hold us and help us to know that it CAN be ok and that we CAN feel forgiven and eventually feel whole, clean, and pure in His presence. I know, because I felt it myself yesterday from the other side of the relationship.