Update

HERE is another update on Dan's group. There is even a picture of Dan next to the tents!

I Heart This Book!

This is Ashlee's son Cooper's favorite book. Because he loved it so much I decided to buy it because I LOVE childrens books. It has now become Caleb's favorite book. Today I read it to him 4 different times throughout the day. Whenever I sit in the rocking chair in his bedroom he runs over to the book shelf and grabs this book. I love that he loves it, and so I share it with you!

Last night we had a girls night out (cause all of our husbands are out of town) and started talking about childrens books. I was told "The Napping House" was a great one so I got it off of amazon. Oh how I heart Amazon.com. That deserves an entirely different post of it's own. I'm excited to get this book and now I ask all of you. What is your all time favorite childrens book? Building Caleb's library is worth spending money on. It's the only time he will cuddle with me during his waking hours. Let's just say we read quite a bit probably for my sake more than his:-).

Little Ones

I just got done reading THIS post. I cried through the whole thing. While I wish I could be over there with Dan, I really don't think I could handle seeing the suffering babies. When it comes to children, I have become an emotional ticking time bomb. I honestly never thought I would be like this. I never fully imagined the effect of becoming a mother. While I'm so grateful for this new sensitivity, I need to be careful.

I have been able to talk to Dan a couple of times briefly. He is doing great. He says it is truly an experience of a lifetime. He is working on patients who have experienced trauma. I don't think he has been in the area spoken in the blog I linked to because when I asked if he was seeing the starving people he said it seemed like the patients he was seeing were having their needs met (somewhat) other than needing medical care for broken bones, wounds, etc.

I'm so grateful to live in this country. I'm so grateful I have a healthy baby boy who has transformed my life for good. I'm so grateful for the gospel and the knowledge I have knowing those babies who are not going to make it will soon be in the loving arms of our Father in Heaven. If I didn't have that assurance, I don't think I could bear the sadness of what goes on in our world.

Orphan Rescue Part 5

Make sure you scroll down to read part one through four before reading this one. It's truly exciting and inspiring!

Haitian Orphan Rescue—The Story behind the Story
By Maurine Proctor
Photography by Scot Facer Proctor

Part 5

Orphans at the Airport

Those LDS team members at the airport each take charge of a couple of orphans to entertain and hold, while we wait for David and Steve to bring the paperwork that will set them free.

Eleven o’clock has now long past. The intense heat of the noonday tropical sun baked us as we counted the minutes. We strained our eyes looking for any sign of those bringing documents and hoped that the plane would stay.

We checked our watches. Time is relentless; it does not stop, even for orphans. 12:30, then 1:00. No documents.

“It feels surreal,” Lindsay said, “that we have any chance of bringing these kids home. I won’t believe it until we are actually on the airplane.”

Meanwhile our hands were full of toddlers and children, who fell on each of us as if they were in love. They were eager to hold our hands, nuzzle their small heads into our necks. They clutched our hands as if for dear life.

If we put them down for a minute because our arms were aching, they held up both hands begging to be held again.

I was holding a handsome little boy with wide eyes, named Sneider. “Be careful, he is a runner,” one of the helpers from the orphanage told me. He was holding so tightly to me, I didn’t worry that he’d wander.

They clung to us like rag dolls, flopping their heads across our shoulders. Some were worried, tearful and disoriented.

The noise of the C17’s starting up on the runway blasted every tender eardrum and Lindsay Crapo passed out ear plugs for the children.

Some members of our team made balloons out of the surgical gloves we have brought with us to help the children pass the time in the sweltering heat. Some sang songs or did finger games.

Scott Gordon told me that one little girl, peacefully asleep on my lap had been already used as a domestic slave and treated very badly. It will take her much to heal.

It is 1:00, and then 1:30. The immigration agents, called ICE, have waited with us for all this time, and they announced that they were going to shut down the operation. They could wait no more. Understandably, they had other work to do. We begged and pled for a few more minutes.

Finally, in a frantic cross-town, careening drive where it seemed only two wheels were on the road and the other two on the curb, Steve and Dave arrived with all the finished paperwork, including the Prime Minister’s signature. 141 orphans had been cleared and 66 of those would be on this plane.

As each orphan is processed, his or her relieved and tearful new parent carried them to the plane, if they were in Haiti. If not, these fragile children were wrapped up in the arms of the burly ICE agents, who carried them with marked tenderness to the plane.Insert Haiti 3B_0032 here]

A feeling swept the little crowd taking the orphans to the plane. It was a mix of happy tears and laughter, of relief and disbelief. This was impossible, and yet it happened before our eyes.

God had heard the prayers of so many for these children. He had spared them in a convergence of events that was too remarkable to be anything but his signature. Our clumsy, mortal efforts could never have created this orchestration.

A joyous team in tears at the base of the airplane ready to leave with the precious cargo.

I stepped into the cockpit to thank the pilot for his patience and concern. It was 3:00 and we had the orphans and their parents and caretakers ready to leave. He said, “The company just called to say they would give me two more minutes before I am yanked out of here.”

The timing had been perfect. Of course.

We waved goodbye to the orphans as they flew away and said, “You’re going home. Now you have a home.”

Orphan Rescue Part 4

Haitian Orphan Rescue—The Story behind the Story
By Maurine Proctor
Photography by Scot Facer Proctor

Part 5

Within minutes we met the Minister of Cultural Affairs,

And the chief of staff for the Prime Minister.

Then, enter stage right, came the U.S. ambassador over USAID in Haiti,

next the U.S. ambassador, Kenneth H. Merton, whose signature we also needed.

(l-r) Steve Studdert, Ambassador Merton, David Hoopes, Robert Henry Louis and Leo Montes.

He signed the orphan’s papers and initialed every one, lest there be a mistake.

We are waiting on the Prime Minister.

Then, as if on cue, came the nation’s President, Rene Preval.

The President was warm, friendly and in a great hurry. His nation is in ruins.

Next appeared the gracious First Lady,

and, by her side, the Minister of Foreign Affairs.

We are waiting on the Prime Minister and the clock is ticking.

We shook our heads in disbelief at the constellation of people who have come to our aid as if heeding an invisible call.

“This just doesn’t happen,” said Steve. “I’ve represented the President of the United States in 100 nations and things still never come together like this. It doesn’t happen.”

The elegant First Lady was wearing a smart green suit. She told us that she has chosen it as a symbol of hope. “We have been through tragedy and much is lost, but our strength is in our children,” she told a reporter. “ We must give every assistance we can to our orphans.”

“We have come to try to help,” says Steve Studdert.

It was 10:00 now. The Prime Minister should be here any minute, but, if these orphans are to make the plane, they have to be at the airport. His chief of staff promises that when he comes, he will surely sign the document with all these leaders behind it. That is fine and good, but where is he?

Another plane flew overhead, reminding us that planes fly, planes leave on a schedule. You cannot hold a Sun Country plane forever, nor keep the forbearance of the U.S. Air Force who are lending us the airport space.

We called the orphanage and told them to ready the children and hustle them to the airport. The only possession they will bring, as the legacy of their meager lives, are the bright wrist bands marked with their names and the names of their new parents.

As we wait for the Prime Minister, we were given documents for 141 orphans. Knowing that every detail must be correct, we pored over them, checking every line.
The U.S. executive, who thought he signed them all, accidentally missed two. One of them is the two-year-old Lindsay Crapo is working to adopt.

At this point the group split up. Steve Studdert waited for the Prime Minister. David Hoopes rushed to the U.S. Embassy to have these last two papers signed and obtain the travel documents. Some of us were sent to gather members of the LDS team to make a mad dash to the airport to watch the orphans while they are waiting for the plane.

Orphan Rescue Part 3

Haitian Orphan Rescue—The Story behind the Story
By Maurine Proctor
Photography by Scot Facer Proctor

Part 3

Meeting with the Haitian Government

The clock is ticking, the deadline looming for the plane’s take off as Steve and a few others taxi to the government offices at the police compound the next morning.

Off we went in a police escort and taxi.

Everything has to work together with precision, down to every detail, to get the papers signed and the travel documents for these orphans.

We are hoping for signatures that others have been seeking for weeks and months. How could we possibly get them in a few minutes? So many things had to go right in a convergence to get these orphans out. These variables are things beyond our ability to control, things that all the strategy, skill and effort in the world cannot bring to pass.

The seat of the Haitian Government is now located in an old police station. The Presidential Palace collapsed in the earthquake.

Time has run out to get these papers signed unless heaven intercedes.

It was duly noted that we had arrived. Leo Montes is on left talking to Steve Studdert.

We checked our watches and tried not to feel tense, thinking about the lives of these orphans on the line as we wait in the hot, bright sun of the police compound for the prime minister.

That we even have this meeting, exactly when we need it, is something nobody could have planned. This meeting is made possible because “it just so happened” that one of our LDS team members, Leo Montes, a native and returned missionary from Haiti “just happens” to have a best friend who is the Prime Minister’s personal body guard.

Then we saw, in a divine orchestration, how God can be in the details. It was as if it were a dance, with each player called on the stage at the perfect moment to say his speech. It was as if all the stars aligned and sung, all things working together as each played his part, and then, in turn, introduced the next necessary player in the sequence.

It was the parting of the Red Sea.

Orphan Rescue Part 2

Haitian Orphan Rescue—The Story behind the Story
By Maurine Proctor
Photography by Scot Facer Proctor

Part 2

No Orphans

We left Salt Lake for Haiti with carefully-detailed plans for bringing out orphans. Many of them would be from President Mardy’s orphanage. Of the three buildings that make up his center, two have been utterly destroyed in the earthquake, and the swelling number of orphans are now crammed into one building and some tents. Though the documentation on the children we had hoped to rescue had long been in process, the lives of these children are on the line.

Calls were going back and forth between our jet and Haiti as we flew from Salt Lake City to Port-au-Prince, but the word came back that despite every effort, the papers still lacked signatures, including the key one from Haiti’s prime minister, who was currently in the Dominican Republic.

“We will not be bringing out the orphans. No orphans.” The word traveled back through the airplane with heaviness and burning disappointment as we flew closer to Haiti. The plan had been for the orphans to be loaded during our plane’s hour turn-around in Haiti, but it seemed that it just could not be. Timing had to be precise. Planes had to take off. These papers, long in process, still lacked signatures.

But we are Latter-day Saints on this plane who know how to pray. It is nearly unheard of for a chartered plane full of passengers to pray together before they leave for a destination or to have a devotional featuring a song, “Because I have been given much, I too must give.” Yet, we are travelling as a community, already connected by our shared faith and unspoken bonds. We are united by a willingness to volunteer for something that we all know could be very difficult.

Before we left Florida we decided to join our faith and heartfelt yearnings for these orphans and pray again. We said, “Dear Heavenly Father, please give us a miracle. Please orchestrate events so this empty plane can be filled with orphans. Please save their lives. Please orchestrate events so we can save these children. Please be in the details.”

Still, the situation seemed impossible.

The LDS team arrived in Port-au-Prince after midnight, the city dark except where an occasional generator lit up a patch. The plane had to turn around and go. No orphans.

Steve Studdert met with the President’s own body guards at our camp.

But Steve Studdert, who spear-headed this expedition and gathered these 125 doctors, translators and construction workers, was not about to give up. He has served in the White House with three administrations, and his team member, David Hoopes, has also served in the White House, overseeing among other things the flow of documents. They have seen how to get things done, and with lives on the line, they were not about to stop now.

They had been in contact with the Utah senator’s offices. Senator Orrin Hatch called the owner of Sun Country from whom the plane had been chartered. The plea was a big one. Instead of having your pilot, crew and plane leave immediately, could they just wait until morning? Remarkably, the owner agreed. This just doesn’t happen when an airline has a schedule to keep and a plane due somewhere else.

After the plane unloaded, Steve sat down with the pilot to get his buy-off and the series of remarkable events continued to fall into place. It “just so happened” that this pilot had a friend with a child adopted from Haiti, and he had great sympathies for our plight. He had a heart for the orphans and did not want to leave without them. Though they had federal regulations to follow, they could stay until tomorrow at 11:00 AM.

That was not enough. The U.S. Air Force officers currently administering the Port-au-Prince airport are dealing with an overloaded and strictly scheduled airport. Would they agree to have a plane sit there until morning?

Except for a 20-minute nap, lying on concrete, Steve stayed up all night having conversations with key people in the military and in Washington running the airport, asking permission for the plane to stay.

With the plane’s owners and pilot in sympathy and agreement, this bought precious time for Steve and his team to meet with the prime minister in the morning at 9:00.

Orphan Rescue Part 1

If you would like to help rescue orphans in Haiti and send medical and construction volunteers to this stricken land, please send your donation to www.utahhospitaltaskforce.org.

Meridian’s publisher and editor-in-chief, Scot and Maurine Proctor are in Haiti with the Utah Hospital Task Force. To see other stories in this series click here.

When a team of 125 Latter-day Saint volunteers flew to Haiti last Thursday, they intended to send back the empty plane to the United States full of orphans ready for adoption. These were not the children newly orphaned by the earthquake, but orphans whose hopeful, adoptive parents had been working three to four tedious years to try to bring them out of the broken country where orphans languish and die for lack of nutrition and care.

What the LDS team could not have anticipated was that rescuing these children and saving their shattered lives would become a harrowing, dramatic race against time, where every minute counted and events had to come together in a perfect orchestration.

Some background:

Haiti teems with orphans, brown-eyed children, who scramble for survival. Orphans are Haiti’s most flourishing crop. Even before the earthquake, of Haiti’s 8.3 million population, it is estimated that 380,000 of them were orphans. Now, no one can be sure of the number, as these children roam the streets and crouch untended in hidden corners, but guesses are that number may have doubled.

Our LDS team has seen a truck bed full of babies, too dazed to whimper, too hungry to cry anymore expecting that someone will care for them. Two boys, newly orphaned by the quake, come into the military camp where we live, hoping to tell a joke or sing a song to find a meal.

So with this heart-rending problem, one would think the Haitian government would expedite the adoption process, and get these children into homes where they could be cared for. Not so. The adoption process in Haiti is gummed up with red tape, hurdles to cross, and frustrating delays.

One woman, clutching a three-year-old, she was adopting, told me that she had begun working on the adoption process since her child was two-days old. Scott Gordon, a father from Bellingham, Washington, who is adopting two little girls, said it took him fourteen months to get a single signature that he needed on a document.

Scott said they had tried to adopt one little girl named Gracie. She was to be Gracie Gordon, but she died of sickness and malnutrition before they could clear the Haitian adoption hurdles. They tried again to adopt a little girl and as time went on, she too, became sick. The frantic Gordon family sent down a special medical and nutrition regimen for the child that would save her life, but the orphanage where she lived passed the food out as a treat to all the children, and she, too, died. “I’m not going to lose another child,” he declared, holding the hands of the two little girls he had been working hard to bring home.

At this time, the prime minister, himself, has to sign the papers on each child that is going to be adopted from Haiti to other countries.

The plodding of this process is, in part, the way developing nations function with defeating and sometimes heartbreaking inefficiency. Since the earthquake, it is worse as the shattered seat of government has been moved from the collapsed palace to a police station in Port-au-Prince and hardly can begin to meet the needs of a bleeding country.

In part this glacial adoption speed, however, is Haiti’s way of expressing concern for its children. Human trafficking abounds in Haiti, and Lear jets, land on hidden airstrips transporting the innocent, who have been rounded up from Haiti’s streets, into the most despicable human slavery. Others are whisked away to have their organs harvested. These beautiful children have their body parts taken by the highest bidder.

Robert Henry Louis, the Prime Minister’s chief of staff said that the day before, an executive from UNICEF had been yelling in despair in a meeting because so many children are being whisked away into the darkest night.

Yet the glacial movement of the adoption process is not Haiti’s alone; the rules by which the United States operates are full of hurdles and their plate is full dealing with Haiti’s chaos.

This past week adoptive parents, seeking for documents they have struggled years to obtain, have camped out in the halls of the U.S. embassy unable to get movement. Lindsay Crapo, who is on the board of an orphanage run by Guesmo Mardy, a counselor in the Haiti mission presidency, said she had spent every day, all day at the U.S. Embassy, including 16 hours the day we arrived with no progress.

Magazine Article About Dan's Group!

There was a huge compliment given to this group in the article that brought tears to my eyes!

Arriving in Haiti with Willing Hearts and Souls
Text and Photography by Scot Facer Proctor

Haiti is in need of so much help. The Utah Hospital Task Force would like to bring down many more planes to give medical care and construction help to Haitians and save orphans. Donate at www.utahhospitaltaskforce.org

“I need 40 pizzas delivered to an airplane at the executive terminal here in Miami. How fast can you get them here?” asked an insistent Steve Studdert. Some listening close by thought this was a treat for all these amazing Latter-day Saint volunteers on their way to Haiti. “No, this is not a prank call. Son, let me talk to your manager.” It took a number of pizza places to finally get the message through that we were carrying as many pizzas as we could to the men and women of the 82nd Airborne Division of the United States Air Force stationed in Haiti. Steve had heard from one of his contacts that the personnel there were pining for pizza. “Okay, then if 25 pizzas is all you can make, we need them here, delivered to this plane in 30 minutes. We’ll have security waiting and the TSA has cleared the delivery.” Steve then said to the people in the front of the plane, “I need a credit card, quickly, somebody.” Credit cards came from every direction to help. It was amazing.

The word spread through the plane that the pizzas weren’t for us. They were a goodwill offering to be given to the 82nd Airborne because we were going to be working with them a great deal and we wanted to get off on the right foot.

Calls were made ahead to the 82nd Airborne, stationed in one of the most devastating human dramas of history. They are they to support and bring relief to the people of Haiti. They are there to help where they can in any way possible. And they were hungry.

The pizzas were the first thing off the plane and loaded right into the back one of the Humvees. These men and women could not have been more helpful. Yes, the pizzas were a great help, but I have come to find out—these are one of nation’s great treasures. These are remarkable human beings.

There was a thrill in each person’s heart as we arrived. The passengers broke into spontaneous applause upon touchdown and we knew we had a mission to perform.
It was VERY late at night and we had 125 Latter-day Saints, all their gear, and all the supplies to unload off that plane as fast as possible. The logistics of getting this many people to even camp in one place was nearly impossible. Practically every open area, away from buildings, is taken up with displaced Haitians.

It was hot and muggy as we all got off the plane and gathered into companies of ten with team leaders over each group. Numbers had been written on our hands with permanent markers so we could quickly fall into our groups and not have fatigue overcome our organized gathering.

Bucket brigades were formed as we loaded tons of gear (literally) onto the awaiting large trucks the 82nd Airborne had brought to meet us. One of the airmen asked me a little about the group. I said we had a lot of doctors and nurses and construction people and 70 Creole speakers in the group. He was astounded—he said, “This group is unlike any that has come here. No one has that kind of translation assistance in this entire country.”

The first three groups were loaded on the trucks. Because of the gear, there was not room for all 13 groups the first found. Though our camp was only 4 or 5 miles from the airport, the roads and logistics to get us there was difficult at best. The round trip would be nearly two hours.

The convoy rolled away from those of us who were left behind. Adrenalin had taken over by this time and most were very much awake. Word came that many of the cell phone providers were offering free incoming and outgoing calls from Haiti from January 28 to February 28. This sent a thrill of relief through the group as we were all concerned about the $1.69 or higher charge per minute for all of our calls.

The tarmac was quite comfortable for many and some sacked out for the two hour wait for the convoy to return. It was now 3:20 AM. There was not one word of complaint from one person that I heard. We were all here to serve.

We arrived in the darkness and the 82nd Airborne parked their trucks so that we could see somewhat in getting our gear to our tents. Little did we know that we were camped in the “Ritz-Carlton” campground of Haiti. And the first group that had come, had already set up the more than 65 tents for the group. We finally sacked out at 4:40 AM, exhausted, but very happy to be safely bedded down.

I had to wake up to catch first light on our camp and this was the view from inside our tent through the mosquito netting. It was a beautiful morning in Haiti.

The tents were provided to us by Latter-day Saint Humanitarian services. They will never make it back to the states as they have been committed to an orphanage and to other families the second our group pulls out. I have had no less than six strangers ask me if they can have the tent we are using.

Our camp was first settled buy the Israelis just one day after the quake. The field was covered with trash but the perimeter was secure so it was a perfect place to set up. All the trash was moved, tents were set up, communication links were established, gates were secured. It became a perfect place for the 82nd Airborne to take over when the Israelis left.

It may not look like much, but we feel very blessed to be here—it really could not be a nicer place.

Some began to emerge after the two hours of sleep, some never slept. It was a morning that would begin a series of miracles that none of us could imagine were about to happen.

Steve Studdert (right) and Gary Worthington (other blue hat) conversed early about some of the plans. We were about to be on the adventure of a lifetime.

Haiti

Dan worked on trying to get to Haiti all last week to go over with the organization called "Utah Hospital Task Force". He wasn't able to leave with the group on Thursday because they left Thursday morning and he could not leave the hospital before that. He was disappointed and I have to admit I was relieved.

I have been called to be the young women basket ball coach (which is a joke by the way. I know NOTHING about basket ball). I was at the game yesterday morning and got a call from Dan telling me he talked to his Dad and he needs to get to Haiti ASAP. Yesterday was super stressful. Between trying to coordinate flights, pack, get paperwork, vaccines (which he gave to himself in the SLC airport bathroom) etc. it was crazy. Finally we left for the airport and I was freaking out because we were leaving way too late to make the flight. It was pure chaos.

Dan got to the airport about 25 minutes before take off, but there was NO ONE at the Delta check in area. Dan said he was sprinting back and forth (with a huge pack on) trying to find help. He even went down to Southwest to see if they knew where the crap the Delta people were. He was finally directed to the baggage claim window area downstairs to be able to talk to a Delta person.

He explained his situation and the lady was trying to check him in, but the computers down there can't do it. He said as this is all going on he could hear people in the radio saying how there is a doctor trying to get to Haiti etc. They ended up holding the flight for him. He never got a real pass, the lady gave him some paper to get him through security. He got checked in at the Delta gate and ran onto the plane. It was a small plane with about 30 people on it. I guess the pilot announced that they were waiting on someone going over for the relief effort and apologized for the delay. Everyone was super sweet and willing to wait.

One of the stewardesses was super sweet to Dan (she even gave him food out of her own lunch because she found out he hadn't eaten anything really since the day before. It was 5pm. Did I mention it was a crazy day?). They got to talking and she found out that Dan purchased his ticket and did not get any type of discount. They ended up exchanging information so he could possibly get home for free on the way back. Because Dan missed the chartered flight out of SLC on Thursday, he ended up flying commercially to Dominican Republic. He will then take a plane from there into Haiti.

I'm not sure if it was because the day was so hectic, but as I left the airport I felt so overwhelmed with worry. I never thought of myself as a worrier, but since becoming a mother there is a whole new set of worries that come with it. It just seems so scary over there. I have faith Dan will be OK, but it really made me re-evaluate a couple of things. First of all, we will be getting a much bigger life insurance policy when he gets back. Secondly, I want to be a much better and more loving wife. Dan knows I love him, but I know I take him for granted too often. There are a few things I really want to focus on to improve. They have been things I have been already thinking about lately but with him leaving yesterday so suddenly made me realize I need to not ever put things off when I think about things I need to change. I want Dan to always know I adore him. He truly is one of a kind. I can't replace him, SO GET HOME SAFE!

Three Best Things:

1. That I am married to someone who chose to use one of his vacation weeks to go over to Haiti. While I wish I could say I was more than happy to let Dan use one of his vacation weeks to be away from us I wasn't:-). However, I do think it will be a pretty amazing way to spend a vacation week. This could truly be a life changing experience for him. I wish I could be over there with him assisting. It gets me super excited for our future though. We will be able to do things like this together when have the funds and when he has more control over his schedule. I'm so thankful for him and pray we will have many opportunities to serve together.

I heard a cool quote today;

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction."

My hope is that the direction will be in service and raising children in the gospel knowing they are loved and adored.

2. Dan's safety!!! Just this second I saw an update on Mike Hoopes facebook saying he is sitting down drinking a coke with his brother!!!! That means Dan got to his group safe and sound! You have no idea how relieved I am!

3. Our ward. Yesterday at the basket ball game I told one of the counselors in the bishopric that Dan would not be able to offer the opening prayer because he will be in Haiti. Today at church I had multiple people come up to me to see how I was doing and to call if I need anything. The Relief Society also announced it in RS. It's amazing how quickly word travels in the church and it's amazing how many people are willing to help out. What people don't realize is that I'm really good at the whole being alone thing. You get kind of used to it being a med student/resident wife:-).

Here is the blog of the group Dan is over with. I haven't read any of it yet, but I'm excited to see what's going on. I would have loved to go over there with Dan!

utahhospitaltaskforce.blogspot.com

YAY FOR SHMARTIE

Anyone who knows my mother loves her. She is a remarkable woman who has lived a remarkable life. The stories that my parents have are inspiring, funny, and just downright amazing. Because of this, Ashlee made my parents a blog as a Christmas gift (well, it's more of a gift to us and a lot of work for mom:-) to record their life for us kids and their grand kids.

I knew it would be incredible if my parents would commit to actually doing it. Well, Shmartie (that's what we all call my mom) has been doing it in Shmartie fashion. All out! I have laughed, cried, and felt the love of my grandparents as I have read the posts my mom has already written. It is truly a treasure and I'm so grateful that the life my parents have lived will be written down for all to read. I can't wait for more. Love stories, mission stories, how crazy we were, etc.

If you want to be inspired go here;

starlaandjim.blogspot.com

Thank you mom for bringing these things to our remembrance!

Feeling The Saviors Love

Sunday as I was walking down the hall after Sunday school to check on Caleb(he's in nursery now! HALLELUJAH!), I walked upon a sweet sight. There in the hall were probably 7 teachers each whispering to a child. I could literally FEEL something special was going on. The look on the face of each child was priceless. The last little girl I walked past ended the sweet conversation by hugging her teacher and kissing her on the cheek. It was so tender.

My friend Amber sent out emails/phone calls/sign up sheets to all the mothers of the primary kids. She explained that they wanted to do something special for the kids and help them to feel their Saviors love. In turn, the mothers wrote down the things that were lovable and special about their children, the things that the Savior would love about them. I knew they were planning on doing this with the kids because I read the sign up sheet, but I was so grateful to be able to witness the sweetness of it. I could literally feel the Saviors love for me and all those little ones in that hallway. I wish everyone could have been there.

Marry Early And Have Children Early?

My father in law sent out this article in an email recently. Even before he sent it, this topic has been on my mind a lot lately (not the marriage part of it, but having children). It seems to put words to some of my thoughts I have been having. While I don't agree with him 100%, as I have gotten older I see value in what he is saying.

I love my life. I love all the things I have been able to do and to learn. Dan and I have been able to do things together for a very long time which enriched our relationship. The two years I was able to work at Second Nature allowed me to grow in ways that were so important.

Last week while lying in bed I had an emotional conversation with Dan about feeling guilt and maybe even regret for putting off having our family. Yes, we started trying 3 years before we conceived Caleb, but my heart wasn't in it until the last year. We could have started the second treatment sooner, but I didn't push it. I was exactly what Bob Lonsberry was talking about. My life, the life I loved became something I did not want to give up. I became selfish. Having our family seemed like it would be an inconvenience.

Yes, I knew I wanted children, but the longer we waited the more my desire was dimmed. My poor husband was heartbroken on many different occasions. I would tell him it didn't make a difference if we had them now or later. Now I have to disagree.

I used to feel bad for girls who got married young and started their family soon thereafter. I thought they were missing out on so much of what life has to offer. While I do think there is value in experience before family, I'm still unsure exactly where I stand on this point now. I still cringe when I hear girls getting married super young because I do think there needs to be some maturity, but I think our society as a whole is moving in the extreme opposite direction which has had a negative effect.

Do I regret waiting so long? That is a hard question. The experiences in my life have been important and I believe necessary for the most part. Although, now being almost 31 with one baby I feel the pressure and anxiety of the hopes of being able to bring at least 4 little ones to this earth. Has my selfishness made it so that wont happen? I sure hope not.

What I do know is that if I had even the slightest understanding of how incredible being a mother was, I would not have waited so long. I had no idea the incredible joy that I would experience becoming a mother. Where I thought "my" life would "end", it really has just begun. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy, and I know it's just going to get harder, but I CHOOSE this. I cringe every time I think about how much I resisted Dan's pleadings to start our family. What was I thinking?

I'm so grateful the Lord has allowed me to experience being a mother even though I felt like I didn't deserve it when I finally realized my selfishness. It has been an absolute blessing and miracle in our lives. I hope we can experience this miracle once again in the near future. Family really is the best thing in life!

Do Little People Matter?

I got the "Little People Nativity Set 2009" this year for Caleb. He LOVES it. He plays with this set by far more than any toy he owns (which is not many:-). There was a blowout special for them back in the beginning of November so I got it for $21. I have been kicking myself EVERY day because I only bought one. I didn't realize how much these sell for, and they would have made great gifts. Plus if you bought multiple I could have gotten each one for $15.

I have always LOVED nativity sets ever since I was a little girl. It was by far my favorite thing to get out while my mom was decorating for Christmas. I currently now have 3 of them and that will continue to grow over the years. I love that Caleb loves his nativity so much.

A couple of weeks ago one of the donkeys and 2 of the wise men went missing. I was so bummed. I looked EVERYWHERE multiple times. It seriously weighed on me daily that it wasn't complete. I thought for sure it got thrown into the trash by the little man. This is a little embarrassing to admit, but I even prayed that we would find the pieces. Silly I know.

A few days ago the little lamb and the other donkey went missing. The little set was dwindling and looked so bare and sad. I again looked everywhere. I have had multiple conversations with Dan about the missing little people.


Last night while Dan was brushing his teeth he had me look at the set. THEY WERE ALL THERE!!! They are just little plastic people, but I was literally so so happy. IT WAS COMPLETE!


Above is the culprit. Yes, I looked in that hole a million times but didn't realize it opened up into the main body of the sub-woofer. Our speakers stopped working and I sheepishly told Dan I accidentally pulled off the face of it trying to look for the little toys. When I pulled the face off I immediately just pressed it back on in hopes I didn't do any damage. Well, that's where they were. Dan found them while he was fixing the speakers!

While saying prayers before bed I thanked Heavenly Father for the nativity that was now complete. Last night I realized that little people really do matter!

Love This Boy

Added Note: Now every time we watch this Caleb comes over and just grins while watching it the whole time. It's so dang cute. He thinks he's pretty dang cool. I would have to agree.

Part Two: Fun House

This was my favorite picture. I think it's so precious.

He thinks working with his dad is pretty amazing.

He LOVES the swing.

Here is Caleb looking up at dad

I wish we took pictures of the whole process. This set was just a bunch of wood boards that needed to be put together.

Caleb saying hi to dad up in the playhouse. Dan has wanted to get this Tonka truck for Caleb for a very long time. He was finally able to get it on Black Friday. We got a great deal on it and Caleb is playing with it right now as I'm writing this.

Here is the little monkey today when I took pics of the finished product.

Here it is. The underneath part is a picnic table. The slide ends up on our grass.

Here is the rock wall. We think this is pretty cool.

Here is most of the dirt we moved out of the area. NOT FUN. We are going to have to slowly put it in our garbage every week a little bit at a time. It will probably take us the whole time we live here to get rid of it all.

Here's some a lot of the rocks we moved out of that area too.

We LOVE the wheelbarrow that we have. It is super heavy duty. We used it to it's fullest and on the very last load one of the wheels broke off. We are just so glad it lasted until we got everything out. Now we need to call the company to get another wheel...blah.

Now we just need to get the ground cover in and we will be DONE. We will probably hold off on that until the spring unless we can find it really cheap. We are leaning toward soft gravel/pea sized gravel. Wood chips would look the best, but it costs more and they disintegrate. Caleb would LOVE sand, but I'm worried about cats and it getting EVERYWHERE. Seems like the gravel will be fun to play in and not attract the cats. Wish we could afford the rubber stuff. We will do that down the road when we can afford it.

Thanksgiving Project!

This was our first Thanksgiving not spent with either of our families. We actually ended up having a really fun Thanksgiving break which consisted of working, working, a little shopping, working, eating some yummy food, and working.

Last weekend we worked half of Friday and all day Saturday in our backyard. We have been prepping it to build Caleb a fun house/swing set. We did the same back breaking work all day on Thanksgiving. We moved a ton of dirt which took us almost 3 full days to finish. We were both so sore we could hardly bend over.

Friday we started to build the set. We finally finished tonight using headlamps and work lights. It was a huge job. Even though it was quite a pain, we feel very proud of ourselves. Caleb already loves it, but we are super excited to see him really be able to play on it without our tools everywhere and having it completed....FINALLY!

My parents paid half of it for Caleb's Christmas/birthday present so we only paid $250 for a killer set. I love good deals. It makes me appreciate things so much more. Thanks mom and dad! It has been the perfect addition to our backyard. Merry Christmas Caleb!

Speaking of presents, Dan has now exceeded his quota for Christmas/birthday presents. The crazy man woke up at 3:30 am to go shopping on black Friday (crazy I know). I made fun of him, but now I'm grateful he went out because we got some killer deals. He bought a 32 inch flat screen TV from Walmart for $248. He got the third to last one at 5am. We are now selling it on Craigslist and I have already gotten at offer for $300. I'm trying to get $330 out of it. The profit we make off of that TV will help offset the cost of the TV Dan bought from Costco later that day. It was a black Friday deal and we ended up getting an additional $30 off because it was the floor model. We paid $310 for a 32 inch flat screen which is a much better model/warranty than the Walmart one.

We will be married 8 years in July and we have NEVER bought a TV in all our married years. We have gotten them free from family. Dan has wanted a flat screen for a while now but I could never justify it. TV's really aren't my bag. Well, we got such a great deal on Friday we decided to go for it. I feel kind of guilty for getting it because I take pride in the ghettoness of our TV set up. I figured we would have it until we finished residency. Dan is a very happy boy. Christmas came early for Dan and I'm counting it as my present too so we are done with gifts within our little Albuquerque family.

Even though we worked the whole break it was a blast. It is so nice having Dan home so much. Caleb has been in Heaven having Dan here and being outside every waking hour of the day. Dan just finished a super hard rotation. He has been working nights for 5 weeks strait. It SUCKED. This vacation was much needed for the both of us. I think that is another reason we chose not to go anywhere for Thanksgiving. We just wanted to be together with no distractions.

This is Caleb's new thing Grandma taught him. We ask "who's the biggest?" and he raises his arms. It's super cute.

The little stinker has already figured out how to get up the latter.

He thought all dads tools were pretty cool. His favorite though is definitely the tape measure. He LOVES it.

I'm so bugged that I can't upload the rest of the pictures. I will as soon as blogger will let me. That will give me time to take pics of the finished product!

Grandpa!

My parents came to the UNM vs. BYU football game last week and it was SUCH A BLAST to have them here. Caleb was in absolute heaven the whole time and I needed some good quality parent time. It was an awesome trip.

Anyone who knows my dad knows he is a kid in an old mans body (a very fit old mans body:-). He is so amazing with his grand kids, and Caleb felt pretty dang special to have him all to himself over the weekend.

We were grateful to have dad here because he was able to get an incredible deal on a swing set we got for Caleb for Christmas. My dad is the worlds best negotiater. Where do you think I learned it:-). Online the swing set cost I believe $1,800, but was on sale at Walmart for $800 because the company sent the swing set after the season was over so they were trying to get rid of them. We ended up getting it for $500. We are SO EXCITED. I'm pretty sure that Dan is more excited than any of us to be able to use all his tools to put it up. It's pretty complicated which is what Dan loves.

We have been working in our backyard to prep for it and we are planning on working over the whole Thanksgiving break because it will be the only chunk of time Dan will have off in a long time. I'm actually really excited. We have had a blast working in the backyard together with the baby. Caleb LOVES being outside and doing manual labor together reminds us of our Chalk Creek days when we did all the stone work on a cabin. Such sweet memories.

That's pretty much what's been going on lately. Below are some pictures of Caleb with his Baba. He's so stinkin cute...both of them!

Caleb wanted the camera.

Three Best Things:

1. I already mentioned my dad above about what an amazing grandpa he is, so my first best thing is my mom. I LOVE my mom with all my heart. It was so great having her here. We were able to pick out a tree together for my Christmas present this year and I LOVE it. My house looks so beautiful. I love Christmas. Yes, I know I'm a freak for already decorating, but if I wait until after Thanksgiving it's just way too short.

One of the things I love about my mom is her eye for beauty and her work ethic. My front yard needed some serious help. Within minutes she came up with a plan and we worked and worked and worked. I don't know a woman who works harder than my mom. She has been that way our whole lives and it's an attribute I value so much. It was a lot of fun working together and she has implanted in me a desire to beautify my yard this spring with color (which is lacking in Albuquerque).

She is also amazing with Caleb. I feel so blessed to have my parents. Thank you for coming to visit.

2. My home. I love our house. Yeah, there are a lot of things I would change about it, like my counters in my kitchen, or getting rid of the carpet in our master bathroom etc. But overall, it is such an awesome house. I wouldn't change anything about the floor plan which is the most important thing. Even though we will probably outgrow this house by time Dan is done, I will be really sad to leave. We are so blessed to be in this home with the neighbors we have and the location we live. Maybe I appreciate it a lot more because we didn't get our first home until I was almost 30:-). I just feel really blessed to have a home that we love.

3. My new calling!!!! I can't believe I didn't post about being released from the Relief Society presidency. Can I hear a Hallelujah? The RS president's husband got called to be stake president so she had to be released which meant we were released too! I feel really bad that I was so excited to be released, but it really is such a relief. I just am not a fan of planning activities. It was daunting. Although I was so grateful for the people I got to serve with.

Dan and I both have now been called to be ward missionaries. We just got the call so we really haven't done anything yet, but missionary work is something I love. The ward mission leaders are awesome, and our ward has a lot of missionary work going on. I'm super excited.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. We will be here working in our yard and will take a break to have our own Thanksgiving dinner. Wish me luck, I have never cooked for Thanksgiving.

Sunday Will Come

I just read Elder Wirthlin's talk "Sunday Will Come". I love the analogy he uses. He talks about how Christ was crucified on Friday and how it was the darkest Friday this world will ever know. I can't imagine the sadness of his apostles and his sweet mother. The despair and heartache must have been so deep, but like Elder Wirthlin said, the doom of that day did not endure because on Sunday, our Lord and Savior broke the bands of death and was resurrected!

We all experience Fridays. As you all know my darkest Friday thus far happened last week. It was such an overwhelming day. I had the constant ache in my heart and a deep feeling of despair that I feared would linger far too long. However, I was not alone.

I have truly experienced what Alma preached in Mosiah 18:8-9. There is so much power in bearing one another's burdens so they may be light. I have felt this. My burden is not mine only. Every comment, every phone call, text, email, note has made this trial more bearable. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being so willing to "Comfort those that stand in need of comfort". I feel so loved, blessed, and more than anything, understood. I have not felt alone. Thank you!

I want to recount a few things that have been sweet little tender mercies.

Caleb is not a big cuddler. He will cuddle with me before he goes to sleep but other than that, he will do a few throughout the day that only last seconds. The night of the day I found out I was alone with Caleb and he crawled up into my lap and we watched videos of Caleb for 30 minutes before putting him to bed. He cuddled his head on my shoulder the entire time. It was just what mom needed. Then while putting him to bed and rocking him in the dark he was unusually lovey. I laughed out loud multiple times because he was being so silly and endearing. What a love gift during such a difficult day.

After putting Caleb to bed I sat in a chair and really just cried. Gracie got all concerned and gently put her two front paws on my lap and got close to my face. She's always starving for love and affection, but that night I needed her love and affection. It was a sweet moment.

Wednesday was definitely the hardest. I have actually been doing really well. I haven't battled with the deep despair like I thought I would. Although there have been some moments here and there when it creeps in. Today was tough. I got all teary when I saw some pregnant girls in my ward. I'm not jealous, I just felt empty. I'm nervous for the actual miscarriage. I just have no idea how I will react. I just hope it happens sooner than later so I can have some closure.

I had the sweetest experience Thursday night. I asked Dan to give me a priesthood blessing of peace and that the miscarriage will happen quickly and safely. I was holding Caleb towards me when Dan put his hands on my head and began the blessing. In that moment I felt more than just Dan's hands on my head. My precious son had his two little hands on my forehead. I lost it. He only did it for a few seconds, but it was enough.

I am so incredibly grateful to have a husband who is worthy to bless me and to be an example to my son. I saw what it means to pass down the priesthood from generation to generation and the power in that. I got to glimpse the future my son has in that one day he too will be able to bless his wife and family. What a sweet reminder of how powerful example is. It is so important for our children to "see" the gospel in action. I will never forget that moment. It will forever be written on my mother heart.

I am so incredibly grateful for the gospel. I have felt the power of the Comforter. I have felt the Lord use each one of you to say the right thing. I know I can do this because so many of you have done this. I am hopeful and have been blessed with peace and assurance. Without the gospel I don't know how I would deal with this loss, but I know the time will come when this baby will come back to me. I find peace in that Sunday will come. I love you all more than you know. I can't even begin to express how healing your words have been for us. I pray I can be there for you in the same way during your dark Fridays and may we all rejoice together in our Sundays!

Much love,

Bri

Happy Halloween!

BOO! You scared? Caleb sure was:-).

Here are the gnome pictures from the zoo. I'm just glad we got some great shots because it was CRAZY there. There were thousands of families. I'm glad we went, but it will probably be the only Halloween we ever go.

So many people died over how cute Caleb looked. We got a lot of laughs and "ooohhhhhs". It's just so funny to watch him wobble around going every which way. We love this little gnome.

We had an absolute blast trick or treating. I forgot how much fun it is. Having a kid is a great excuse and he was so dang cute at all the houses. At first I thought we would only go to the neighbors we know but we ended up doing quite a bit of our neighborhood. When we first started, we were the only trick or treaters. I figured since we have a lot of older people in our neighborhood there probably wouldn't be a lot of trick or treaters. I was wrong. Parents ship em into our neighborhood so we had a ton. It was an absolute blast and I was really impressed with how cute all our neighbors were. We got some good candy, not so good for losing the pounds I've gained in the last 10 weeks.

Can I eat this kids face off? He is so dang cute.

This is Caleb looking at a kid dressed up as spider man. He loved seeing all the kids. I love the little squat he was doing.

Here he is again looking at some kids.